A Swim in the Pond

Mid-Life Crisis!?!?!?

2009-01-20T12:19:00.006-06:00

Am I in one? I dunno! I know that I don't want to be 20 again. Lord, dealing with all my junk and the uncertainties that the future held were difficult enough to go through the first time.

On the other hand, I am finding myself to be in the middle of a bad case of the wondering abouts. I am wondering about old friends, boyfriends, places, events and even music. I find myself listening to classic radio and telling stories from the mid 80's to mid- 90's.

I have often spoken about my past ability to move from one place to another overnight. I could pack my car in an afternoon and be off to my next destination. I was 31 before I had a permanent address.

One afternoon I found a job announcement printout on my desk at work. There were exciting positions, for which I qualified, being offered all over the world. I began to look through the different jobs and I was halfway to making a choice when I realized that I owned a house and was married to a man who would have to leave his job as well.

Suddenly, I realized that I had attached myself to one place and was immobile. I experienced a bit of a panic attack. It would be very difficult for me to take one of the listed jobs. (I think it was one of the first time in my life that I had to think of someone other than myself!) I had just purchased living room furniture and new bed. There was no way that I was going to be able to get all that stuff in my 87 Accord!

I continue to find myself remembering the times in my life when I knew it was good to be young, pretty and un-attached.

When I was in college, I was buying a diet coke with a friend at a gas station. We were both 20 something and it was a very hot day. We were wearing our cutest shorts and were also noticing the cute men who were noticing us.

A 40 something female noticed our dress and behavior as she pulled up to the same store. She gave us an "oh puhleeze" look as she passed our car on her way into the store. We looked at her, rolled our eyes, and then we looked at each other and giggled. We understood that we had the advantage in the situation and we loved every second of the attention we were getting.

I am now the 40 something irritated woman and can look back at myself and understand what I snot I was. Oh how time flies when you are being a brat! Oh, by the way, at the time my friend was dating a 38 year old LSU Theatre professor!

On the other side of 20 years, I am loving reconnecting with old friends on Facebook and seeing pictures of how they have changed and what they have become. It's funny. When I find an old friend and send an email, we are generally thrilled to hear from each other as we send photos and job descriptions. Then, there does not seem to be much to talk about. And, usually, we are mutually satisfied with the exchange and are able to move on with the later halves of our lives.

("Same Old Lang Syne" lyrics by Dan Fogelberg would fit perfectly here.)

"Saw my old lover in the grocery store..."

There are a few exceptions however. I find the friends that I made when I was in Seminary to be closer. There was a time when we allowed ourselves to loose touch, but when we were around each other again, we realized that it would be silly to continue to take our relationships for granted.

I was also shocked at the ages of the people in entertainment who died in 2008. Some of those people were in high school at the same time as me. 51 is not that far of a toss from 41. Can we just say eeeek! Get those things done on your "list of things I want to do before I die" lists.

Maybe this is a mid-life crisis. I do miss those days but I don't necessarily want them back. Golly, I was a bit of a drama queened weenie... I sure did have some fun though! The good times were absolutely great but the bad times were really... really... bad.

I much prefer my current life of equilibrium and insight. I drive slower as I listen to Country music and NPR on the radio. I just seem to prefer to stay in on the weekends. I haven't been to a concert or an amusement park in years and it has been quite sometime since I last skinned a knee.

Just call be boring, fat, and happy! (WINK!) (TING!) Charming wink and smile still in tact!

Baggage!

2009-01-13T21:36:00.006-06:00

I have recently come to the conclusion that I have spent the majority of my adult life packin (southern term meaning the same as the present progressive verb "to carry") some emotional baggage. Some of you are saying to yourselves, noooooo... really??!!

I have spent the past week or so unpacking and discarding some EMO stuff from 20 years ago! Aren't we (person's of Christ) supposed to be over all that junk! Apparently, NO!

Now, I would also like to take this opportunity to say that I have THE most incredible and wonderful husband on earth! This man, who I have been married to for nearly 11 years, actually allowed me to wake him (out of a dead sleep) at 2 AM in order to comfort me as I cried over past boyfriends! Can we say "jackpot" girls! Look for my name and image on a billboard coming to your city or town very soon! It will read as follows!

"Average looking girl with prickly disposition and slight case of PTSD induced love shyness has hit the Progressive Jackpot! $7.99 Steak Dinner and Sammy Davis Junior Tribute Show included!"

My tears were not about longing for anyone or even wishing that things could have been different. I was just experiencing some very painful regret and remorse. my, my, my, the silly things a broken hearted girl will do! Have you ever heard the expression about a woman scorned? Well, call me a cliche!

I am praising God for His ability to continue to love and heal a girl like me. Oh how I feel for the men in my past! Allow me to use this forum to say,

"You forgive?"

I will provide you with a milder example of man torture from my Seminary days...

There was a late 20 something fellow who sat behind me in Dennis Parrish's acting class. He was very cute, just my type, and an extremely macho former police officer. I found my self to be painfully shy and at a loss for words when ever I was around him. I had a little crush and often found myself in a daydream starring said macho man. I also noticed that he often sat "near" me in chapel and in class. Every once in a while he would sit with me in the coffee shop or in the library. One afternoon, I was in the post office getting my mail and he walked up behind me to say hello. I was immediately weird! I had gotten a piece of mail from Louisiana and mumbled something about Louisiana food and culture. He said the following...

"Oh, Louisiana.. you are from Louisiana? Looks like a lot of good things come from Louisiana!"

The less traumatized girl with her eye on the perfect white dress would have said something like...

"Why Sir, are you referring to me...? (Hair flip) You are obviously a man of wealth and taste. May I ask you to accompany me to lunch?"

my baggage laden reaction...

"Excuse me!!?? What exactly do you mean by that remark? What "good things" are you referring too? Puhleeze!" (EXITS LEFT)

Mr. Dreamy was obliterated! And yes, that was a mild episode!

So, I cried in my husband's arms the other night, I have done my very best to reconnect with those that I tortured most severely. I have apologized to my best ability and begun the process of forgiving myself. I also have gained a good understanding of why I was the way that I was and am so thankful for the woman, wife, and mom I have become. I do feel better.

I guess I just want to say that I am so amazed that I was still the owner of some 20 year old pain. I don't think I allowed myself to feel the pain when it occurred and It's almost like God held back the memory of the pain until I was ready to experience it. Well, I did... for two days! I still have Marty Feldman eyes and find mascara application to be a challenge!

Jason still rocks... and btw.. he is from Texas and carries a badge!

Tarrrrrrgut!

2009-01-11T13:57:00.000-06:00

We are off to enjoy a completely exhausting day of shopping at TARGET! Ellie's birthday is on Monday. My baby boo will be FOUR! We need a few toys and some groceries and cup cakes for her class. We are having the big PARTY and Chuck E. Cheese on Monday evening. All of the most important 4 year old's in O-Town will be there! It's rumored that Dora and Barbie will make an appearance! We are so excited! Anyway... Target, Sushi, and possibly a movie with the kids. My kind of Sunday afternoon!

"Get a Hobby"

2009-01-08T10:15:00.003-06:00

I was talking with my dad the other day and he told me about an article in his local newspaper. He said that the reporter went around the city asking people about their hobbies. My Dad asked me what my hobby was. I began to think about it. He went on to explain that a hobby is something that a person does for themselves. A hobby is supposed to be a time for yourself that benefits you. So, your hobby can not be something like your Son's baseball team or your daughter's soccer team.

I have decided that I enjoy writing for the Pond and that I have neglected my hobby for far too long. So, I have made the decision, on Jan. 8th, that my resolution is to spend more time writing and to spend more time with God (because that is usually what inspires me to write about the world I live in). I would also like to encourage my blogging friends to get back up on their computers and write!

Thank you Pond readers for your encouragement and support.

So funny, I am a Literature / Writing teacher for 2 sections of the 7th grade. (I also teach 4 sections of High School Spanish I and II) I am the sponsor of the middle school writing club "The Inklings." I am encouraging them to journal and blog. So, I think it only fair that I pick up my "pen" as well.

I was thinking...

2008-07-20T12:01:00.001-05:00

Here I am... on the verge of 41 years of age. Goodness! Where did my 30s go? Did I grow up yet? If I have... when did it "happen" and what does that mean... to grow up?

I do know that I make better decisions now, I am not as selfish as I used to be... I have learned how to forgive... and I just don't get so worked up anymore... oh yeah... and I not as bummed about who I am as I was at one time. I have found that being me is ok... and sometimes even fun! I have direction and purpose in my life as a Wife, Mother, and Teacher.

My husband and I own a house and a couple of cars It would be a VERY big deal if we had to move. I used to be able to fit everything I owed in a VW and hit the road in less than an afternoon.

So, I guess I AM grown-Up. Funny, I forget that I'm grown-up sometimes, until my students tell me a joke I don't get or I see the new hot band on TV and I find that I have never heard of them. YIKES! It happened! I'm actually out of touch...

I was thinking about an experience I had in college. I had just become a Christian. I mean like it had been a couple of weeks.

Now, before I got saved, one of my party pals, who was a close friend's roommate, started dating this dorky Christian guy. After a while, she stopped hanging out with us, started going to church, threw away a bunch of her stuff and eventually got engaged! We were devastated and more than a little disgusted with this Christian dork! We hated the guy! We were not very nice to him and our relationships with him and our former friend deteriorated into awkward smiles as we passed each other in the halls.

Needless to say, this Christian guy did not have to spend much time thinking about how I felt about him... I was very good at communicating my feelings at that point in my life!

Anyway, I go on and on just to say this one thing.

Back to the one or two weeks after I got saved. I was walking to class one afternoon and as I looked up the pathway, I saw the Christian boyfriend who had stolen away our party pal. We had never spoken more than 2 words to each other and would normally handle this incident like we did not know each other.

We made eye contact and smiled continually at each other as we made our way to meet. We got closer to one another on the sidewalk and, without saying one word to each other, we embraced. We said goodbye to each other and continued on our way.

We are still friends to this day.

Thank you Lord for giving me such a wonderful experience at that time in my life and thank you for bringing it to the front of this 40 year old mind.

Marty Does Have A Point!

2008-06-17T15:19:00.003-05:00

Yes... I have neglected what once used to be my favorite pastime! I have many things to report! First, God has seen fit to return my job to me. PRAISE HIM!!! I have learned quite a bit about forgiveness and discovered my own personal maturity through this experience. I, Ashley Trahan, actually walked up to a person and apologized for my wrong doing. What is important to note about this exchange is that I was convinced that this person had a part in the tarnishing of my professional reputation. So, God has afforded me the ability to hold myself responsible for my actions in the face of harm. Amazing!

I think I also grew up a bit and discovered my backbone. I was told by a person, who I admired greatly, that I was not a teacher and that Westminster was not the place for me. After a few weeks of searching and heartbreak, I returned to the place of our original meeting at let this person know that I felt that their opinion of me was wrong. I told them that God had called me to be a teacher at Westminster Christian Academy and that I felt He had prepared me to be at WCA for my lifetime.

So, I hung on for the remainder of the year convinced that I would return. Some of my co-workers believed me to be in denial and urged me to find another teaching position. It was very difficult, at times, to sit through end of the year meetings and planning for the next year and notice the absence of my name on schedules and planning paperwork. My students would tell me that they were taking my class in the next year and were excited about the experience. To smile and say, "me too!" was tough!

I was reminded almost daily to keep my eyes on God. I signed my contract last Wednesday and continue to be amazed by the one who has comforted me and saved me from myself. My husband was OK too! (ha!)

This most recent experience will be one that I will look back on in order to reassure and uphold my faith in future times of struggle.

In the 08-09 school year, I will be teaching 7th grade literature and High School Speech! I am so thankful and pleased! I will be teaching "A Christmas Carol", "The Hobbit", "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" and other amazing stories! So cool and such a great fit for me!

Who knows what will happen nest year. I dunno! I do know that, no matter what, God will continue to repair this cracked pot! He has promised to improve all of us as long as we give Him access to ourselves!

Smoocihes!!!

Signed the Diaper Free Trahan!

ASH

Summer!!!

2007-06-06T20:04:00.000-05:00

Summer is finally here! I have been so preoccupied with school! My entire life has changed. Last Friday was my last day for the 2006 - 2007 school year. People, I am a high school teacher! God has such a sense of humor! High school graduation was the same day and time as the Memorial Day Reunin in Texas. I wanted so badly to be with Jane, but I could not have missed graduation. It was your typical ceremony, except that I cried like an idiot! I know that is hard for most of you to believe. I am so overwhelmed by the feelings I grew for those kids! I will miss them. Time for another year. I am anxious to see what God has in store for me. He has indeed granted me the desires of my heart! I love my job so much! Next year I will teach Speech and Drama. I had quite a job teaching British Literature. I will look forward to teaching what I love! More later! Have a wonderful summer. I am back to being a stay at home mom for 10 weeks. I am already bored and so are my kids!

Table for one and a half please...

2006-11-21T10:10:00.000-06:00

I am not in a good place for the holidays!! My very worst and most hated pet peeve is tight pants on Christmas morning!! Solution... diet? I don't see how it will be possible to loose a pant size by November or early December!

First, my school is notorious for "blessing" it's teachers. The parent association sends around "favorite things" surveys the first week of school when every one is skinny and healthy. I listed chocolate, chocolate and anything covered with chocolate, especially caramel, as my favorite in the food area. I mean, who wants a holiday basket filled with carrots and sprouts? I have often said that the Westminster Parents club is a group of passive aggressive teacher haters whose ultimate goal is to fatten up a chosen faculty member for some annual ceremonial sacrifice to the "make our kids obey" god! I am the suspicious receiver of many a roll of Rolos!

Second, I'm on a bender! I have not cooked a meal in my own home since August! Thankfully, my mom cooks my family a meal every Thursday night. My girls and husband eat like they have been locked in a basement for a week! I have the following plan...

Mondays - Eat out - rationalization... Exhausted from the weekend and it is Monday after all.
Tuesdays - Frozen pizza - rationalization... Can't eat out because we just did... and pay day is eons away, too tired to cook.
Wednesdays - Eat a church or at church! Thank God!
Thursdays - Eat at Mom's house. Thank God!
Fridays - Eat out - rationalization... Celebration - It's the weekend!
Saturdays - Eat out - rationalization... - It's Saturday!!
Sunday - Eat out - rationalization... - It's a Baptist tradition... Sunday School, Church, Piccadilly!

It is not that bad... sometimes we get invited to a friend’s house for a meal... or, Jason will cook!

Third, I am currently in a serious love relationship with hamburgers! BTW, have you tried the new blue cheese burger at Chilies? Yummer!

So, there you have it, my recipe for growing out of all my cute skinny teacher clothes! Now it's the holidays and I have no growing room. Oh well, I guess I will just go shopping! Thankfully, they still got ready made clothes in my size.

One of these days... I will wobble into a gym and start working out again... I will re-discover my true love for salads and high protein breakfast bars. One morning I will wake up, decide to be brave and try on my slightly too young and cutest pair of levis. To my happy surprise, they will fit and I will feel adorable! To celebrate, I will get a baby-sitter and go out to eat with my friends!

LOVE YALL

Ketchup

2006-11-17T10:33:00.000-06:00

Helloooooooooo!!
I am a total slacker! I have gotten myself all wrapped up with a bunch of teenage stinkers! Have I said that I love my job? Well, to be sure, I love my job! Much has happened in the past month. The football team is well in to the playoffs and has an actual chance to be the state champions! I am so excited!!! My senior football players are very near to the belief that they are gods and accountable to only themselves! I do my best to keep them in line. Unfortunately, my bark is much worse than my bite! Big game tonight! We will travel in the freezing cold to a place called Eunice, Louisiana to watch our boys beat the snot out of a sadly bad football team!

We have accomplished our first show at WCA this year! It was called "Memories" and went very, very well. Our kids are very talented! Our biggest problem is a lack of adequate facilities. We are forced to do our shows in the High school gym. We find ourselves at war with the sports coaches and athletes! Show, great.... relations with the coaching staff... stressed!

I just got back from a very speedy trip to Dallas. I was able to visit with Polk, Tillman’s, and Dennis/Andrew Parrish. I am always so happy to see my friends family! The only bad thing about going to Dallas is leaving Dallas. While I was there, I found myself to be overwhelmingly tired! I thought that it had happened, I found myself trying to accept the fact that I was finally old and TOO fat! I had no ENERGY! I went to bed every night at 10pm. I am usually ready to stay up all night and visit! Not this time, I was thinking about my bed by 5pm! Well, good news folks! I was coming down with an awful cold! As soon as I beat this bug, I will be back to my normal, manic, refusing to go to bed, lets party, self! Sorry guys! I was just sick... not old and tired!

Miss all... IT'S FRIDAYT and we have the next week off! I love this teaching gig!! The parents of our students give us gifts and thank us for teaching their kids! MY PLEASURE!! Have a great THANKSGIVING!! Love to all!!

Sick, yet not old yet, Ash

Some Sad Boys on My Hands

2006-10-15T12:56:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys...

I got some sad boys on my hands! One of the things that I did not sign up for when I took this teaching job was an affinity for High School Football. I have all but two of the Senior Football players in my classes. I have come to know and love all of them.
I will never forget the first game I went to. I was going as a favor to my students and ended up screaming like a wild fan. Now, 8 weeks later, I refuse to miss game. It is almost like my kids are down there playing, cheering, training, organizing, and socializing. I refuse to miss an event.
Well, our school was tied for the number 2 spot in the state. WCA was 6 - 0 until Friday's game. We lost! The extremely hard part to handle is that we were the better football team. The game was tied until the second half of the fourth quarter. We made some stupid mistakes and it cost us the game.
This loss may mess with our chances to get to the district final game. I don't really care about the game. I am more concerned with the boys. They were all so sad. My heart was broken for them. I had all of these maternal instincts. I wanted to hug them and tell them that it was going to be ok. If I had, I may have earned myself a law suit and some funny looks! I do feel so badly for them. They are great kids and they care so much about this season.
So, the Westminster Crusaders are 6 and 1! No biggie. We will kill them on Friday night! I have let my boys know that they can run over their opponents and rip off their heads as long as they say please and thank you as they provide hankies for their broken and bleeding bodies! So, not only do I have to wow them with Macbeth next week, I have to soothe some broken hearts. Back to the books!

I'm At War People!!

2006-10-10T09:22:00.000-05:00

Hey Ya'll,

I am finally caught up with my schoolwork! So, I decided to write a little. I miss my summer fling!

My students are currently studying Early Renaissance British Literature. In the unit introduction, we learned that England’s sustained peacetime was a major factor in the creation and growth of this innovative period. I totally get that because am personally experiencing a threat to my own creativity! I have been at war people! I am exhausted. If my teaching experience were to be compared to a swimming lesson, I am barely treading water with one nostril exposed in order to breathe and I am half asleep! For today, I am enjoying a brief time of peace. We are off from school on Monday. So, I am experiencing a nonviolent sloth filled weekend! This post will be the closest I come to Senior English until Tuesday!!

I love my students! I am so challenged and perplexed by them. The senior class is overwhelmingly smart, creative, witty and energetic! The sad part, they choose not to use their gifts! I am already concerned for their future. My kids have so many advantages right now. Their unwillingness to plug in (when it is easy) makes me feel that they will not have a chance when they are fully challenged. I am doing my best to prepare them for the REAL world!

I am getting quite an education in classroom management! I currently STINK!!! A majority of my time is spent just trying to get through the lesson plan. One of my greatest weaknesses, I can’t stop laughing. My students will be in the midst of disrespect and disruption and “I am so impressed with their creativity and wit, that I can’t get mad! I just laugh! So, this is what I told them. “When your are being disrespectful, rebellious, and disruptive… I may laugh, but I will also make my way to my desk and send you to your appropriate consequence. I will just continue to giggle as I fill out the paperwork and report you to the Dean!”

I will say this. I was made to be a teacher. That thought scares me a little. I think that if this opportunity were taken from me, I would be so sad and confused.

I see God’s preparation, for this time in my life, all over my past. For example, I was the worst student in the world! Even at SWBTS, I was not disciplined and cut major corners. In HS and College I was a straight D student! God has such a sense of humor. I often think that I am here because I can relate to the challenges a HS student faces. My HS experiences are still so fresh in my mind. I can so relate to the pressures my students are experiencing.

Most importantly, I love Jesus. I know that His love and forgiveness has given me the ability to love my students in spite of their screw-ups and rebellion. Every day is new and begins without concern for what may have happened the day before. I hope my students and the administration will treat my mistakes in the same way. The changes that the Lord has made in me combined with the experiences of my life have uniquely prepared me for this appointment.

The other morning I was getting ready for school and I started to think about my seniors. I was thinking about the last days of school and making myself concerned with the choices my students would soon be forced to make. I was filled with anxiety and sadness. I so want them to make wise choices. I am afraid for their safety and already sad that they will be leaving.

I know that I will cry when that day comes! As much as I love them now (9 weeks into the school year) how am I going to feel when I see them walk out of my classroom for the last time? I understand now why graduation is such an emotional ceremony. I will be sad to see them go and feeling tremendously proud at the same time.

Still, the overwhelming feeling is and will be anxiety for their futures. I am afraid for them. The choices before them are just frightening! I will do what I can and continue to pray for these bright and beautiful students. My prayer is that they will use their gifts for God's glory and not for ruin. Yikes! What a responsibility. I am glad I feel this way. I don’t want to cause them harm by being their teacher.

BTW, Bill Reese WAS preparing me for my future! My last period class is filled with Senior Football players! Out of thirteen students, there are only two girls! The boy’s favorite thing to do is FART on each other!! What is that about! Why are boys so fascinated with FARTS!! Even Chaucer and Shakespeare were fascinated with the FART! I do not get it!!!

Oh well, back to the books! I need to create an interesting and fun way to present Petrarchan and Shakespearian Sonnets to my RPG addicted, MP3 playing, loophole leaping, tardy turd heads. (The preceding announcement is considered to be a term of endearment!)

Apple for the Teacher?

2006-09-20T11:47:00.000-05:00

Wow, I stink! Give a girl a job and she loses all touch with reality! I have been so challenged! I am currently in my F period Senior English class. The students are taking a unit test over the material we covered in Middle Ages British Literature! What happened? Ashley, a British Lit teacher?!?!?! Anyway, I love it! This job is so clearly what I have been called to do! My students are so funny and smart. It did not take long before I fell in love with all of them. I want them to do well and go to their college English classes with confidence. Our next hurdle is the well written and completely fleshed out 5-part essay. The Renaissance is just around the corner. So, love ya'll!! Miss y'all!

I am a Geek, Part Deux!

2006-08-13T07:47:00.000-05:00

I am a full-time working mom! Among many other things, I am guilty of neglecting my blogging! How will I ever fit it all in? Calgon, take me away!

I have been participating in training for close to two weeks. School starts on Thursday, August 17. I am ready! I will have students ranging from fourth grade to seniors in High School! We have come to call them Sweet Babies, affectionately! I am a grown up! I am a part of teacher culture! I am one of those grumbling old fat ladies who protects the privacy of the teacher’s lounge with angry threats of detention!

We were trained to use the school’s software for grading on Monday. The software is called Power School. Very cool stuff! We are a multi campus school and every teacher has a networked computer. We use power school for a variety of purposes, attendance, assignments, and grading. All of this information is uploaded to a server and is accessible via the web for use by administrators, teachers, students, and parents.

I am telling you everything above so I can say this one thing. I AM TRULY A GEEK! Yes friends, I am a geek. This discovery (further evidence proving my true self) was made during the Technology Director’s explanation of the Teacher Note’s function in the software.

There is a section where teachers can record comments about student behavior. Those comments are viewable by administration only, most importantly, the dean of students. BTW, the dean of students is a veteran and former federal agent. He talked to us about some of the training he received as a government agent. The training was called Verbal Judo! YIKES! I get nervous when the dean is around!

So, the technology director opens the comment window and enters the following comment,

“Caleb Whittington was a very foolish boy today. He attempted to assimilate me in to the collective”

I burst into laughter! I was so amused by this comment. I laughed loudly! In the midst of throwing my head back and my third knee slap, I realized something very interesting. I was the ONLY person laughing! Yes friends, the ONLY ONE!

We were sitting on benches in a room with proficient echo effects. Somehow, I had managed to sit on the end of the row of coaches! (Later, the coaches told me that they sat next to me because they knew there was going to be a quiz over the technology presentation and they needed to cheat. Joke!) I was sitting right next to the baseball coach who is a former pro!

When all of the teachers in front of me turned back around and I was able to remove my left hand, which I had slapped firmly over my mouth in a moment of true realization, I said to my former pro ball-playing neighbor,

“I am a geek!” His reply, “Oh no, no, you’re not a geek.”

His response was a serious attempt to comfort me. Me thinks he protests too much!

Pray for me! I am a geek in teacher’s clothing! I will be before my students in a few days. I am so honored to have this opportunity. I am convinced that I have been prepared to be a teacher. My love for students is evident. My concern for their future is real. I see myself as a trainer. I am here to equip students for the next step in their lives. I am in the unique position in order to impart what is central in my life, Jesus.

The Truth About Spa Day, 2006

2006-08-05T12:12:00.000-05:00

First, understand, Spa Day ’06 was one of the best birthday’s I have ever had! I had a wonderful time. The only rival birthday celebration took place in 1976.

On my 9th birthday, my mom took 10 friends and me for lunch at O’Farrell’s Ice Cream Shoppe in San Jose, California. My birthday cake was a dessert known as the Zoo. O’Farrell’s brings the Zoo to your table resting on the shoulders of two hunky servers as they blow whistles and kazoos. The Zoo, my friends, is an ice cream creation the size of a dinner table! Good Times! Hmmm, I see the origin of two of my personal affinities way back in ’76, very interesting.

Now, for the truth! I was scalped! A portion of my scalp lay on the cutting room floor as I staggered in shock toward my waiting family! I had an “I Love It” look smacked on my face, of course! I would never dream of letting anyone know that I was displeased!

Why are women like that? As I smiled and said thank you, that kid took her shears and removed a disproportion of my scalp. I even tipped her. I am in serious need of guidance.

Back to the plan, Aveda, pedicure, facial, hair cut, sushi! Personally, I cannot think of a better line up! We arrived at the salon, received complimentary hand massage and coffee! GREAT! We were lead to the pedicure room where three bright eyed and bushy tailed newbies awaited to attend our feet.

Newbie Number One, although the owner of great personal style, he possessed no skills. Newbie Number Next was a recent pedicure rotation graduate and was not pleased to be back in the stinky foot room. Newbie Number Last greeted us with an overwhelmingly nervous smile as she clutched her instruction sheet firmly in her hands. Pedicures usually take about 50 minutes. We were there for over 90 minutes!

Our pedicures were finally finished. Our expectations were wrinkled but not dashed! Besides, this was the very beginning of our adventure; we were looking forward to facials, haircuts and sushi!

Facial time arrives! I am choosing, dear friends, not to go into a detailed description of my facial experience. A true Lady does not facial and tell. Just know that I am a different person. My facialist and I are now relating on a very appropriate emotionally intimate level and have become life long friends. I am in complete agreement with the Aveda approach to skin care. I would do it again and pay three times the amount. I never thought the simple act of brushing my hair and smoothing lotion on my face could be so wonderful! Get thee to the facialist!

Then (insert a dreadful and fear evoking sound effect) hair cut time arrives! My cutter was born the year after I graduated from high school. I am not an ageist, so there was no problem. She asked me what I wanted for my new look. I explained that I liked short hair but wanted to retain my girly and feminine style. I wanted my hair short in the back and longer on the top and sides.

I listed several famous people who had the look I wanted and soon discovered that their images graced magazine covers before this chick recorded memory! I said,

“You know Wilson Phillips… You know the Girl who married a Baldwin… the blond… Wilson Phillips… Carnie Wilson… Beach Boys… They had the number on song in like ‘92” Her response, “uhhhh. I was born in like 1986.”

I resisted the urge to stand and walk away. Big mistake! I had made the choice to go on a ride with this little miss 1986 thing. The last words I remember hearing, before I morphed into a state hospital resident, was the instructors announcement that she was going to lunch. She told my cutter to call her “if” she needed help!

Why did I remain seated?

Explanation of final hair cut (post Instructor’s look of fear and frantic cut correction) follows:

My hair cut looks like one typically worn by a schoolboy c. 1955 sans pomade! I do have bangs; they are blunt cut, but bangs nonetheless. It looks as though a goat took a bite out of my head. This goat left her mark on the left side of my scalp above my ear. Fortunately, said goat, did leave a remnant of bang, which serves as a camouflage for my own personal bald spot! I have not had the courage to look at the back of my head. What I do not know will not hurt me.

Oh well, it is only hair. It will grow back. Despite the removal of one of this woman’s most feminine features, she is still adept at the rocking of most any look! If one has lost one’s hair then one must cling to the projection of feminine allure! I am a babe with pretty feet and soft skin! (Raspberry)

Sushi was beyond fabulous! I did have eyes a little bigger than my stomach! Not to worry, this girl don’t leave no Sushi! Personal trauma is not a factor in the art of Sushi consumption! In retrospect, I must have been trying to remove myself from the feelings of chill I was receiving because of my lack of a warm winter coat!

I'll GO!

2006-08-03T08:03:00.000-05:00

Westminster Christian Academy has invited me to teach Spanish for 7th grade. Teaching Spanish in a middle school never entered my mind as a potential place of service as I was doing “my” best to prepare for ministry. Yet, here I am, the Seventh grade Spanish Teacher at WCA, fully confident that I will be able to complete the tasks put before me.

I have had the joy of listening to Merida Brooks, who is the trainer for new teachers, for the past two days. Mrs. Brooks, in her own desire to parent her five children, dove into the Word to find some parenting guidance. This desire to be a Godly parent has blossomed into a system of classroom management that has influenced a generation of parents, teachers, students and their families. I am beginning to use Merida’s principles in the parenting of my own children. I am sure that Mrs. Brooks and her husband had no idea that their desire to be Godly parents would have such an empact.

As I was listening to the in-service presentation, I began to realize that the experiences in my life had lined up, at this time, in order to prepare me to become a faculty member at WCA! Friends, as you have known me in the past 15 years, have you ever known me to say,

“Seventh grade Spanish Teacher! That is it! I will further the cause of Christ by teaching Spanish in a middle school! My unique set of life experience andgifts will enable me to go to the mission field and share the Gospel whilebuilding relationships students. I will use my gifts assisting theatre production in a Christ centered high-school.”

Now for the goose pimply part! I will also have the wonderful joy of teaching Missions Spanish in the High School. Friends, every school day, I will meet with mission-minded students and lead them in the creation of Evangelical performance pieces in Spanish! This class was the High School principal's idea!

WCA sends a group of students to the mission field every year. I will spend the school year preparing these students to use creative communication styles in Spanish speaking countires. We will then we take that set of performances to the Mission Field. Can you imagine the impact?

Those of you who know me, who have been a part of my journey in preparation for ministry, can see God's timing in this appointment! Basically, The Company in Spanish for a Spanish-speaking mission field! I am getting excited just telling you guys about it. I almost want to stand right in the middle of my living room and break into a full performance of Awesome God!

As I was talking to the Mission Team Director, who also happens to be a gifted Theater Technician, doing my best to sell this idea of Spanish Drama, he said to me...

"Are you willing to go?”

Now, I was around last year after the students returned from their mission trip. Those kids had the runs for about three weeks. I saw the pictures! It looked hot and DIRTY! Again, those of you who know me are fully aware of the fact that I don’t much like the runs, hot, or dirty! Yet, when he said,

“Are you willing to go? I (after a completely appropriate and dramatic –freak-out- pause) said, “Sure!” My innermonologue follows... “uhhh… runs… amebas… dirt… hot… sweat… fat… heat rash…. plane rides… money… childcare… noise… teenagers… uh me? Uhhhh… YES, ABSOLUTELY, I’LL GO!”

This is Big! I am waiting for the challenges. I am sure there will be stumbling places and roadblocks before me. Please pray after you read this post! Ask God to enable this vision and to remind us to claim the promise in the following scripture.

"You didn't choose me remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won't spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you.” John 15:16

Can Somebody Get Me a Bucket!?

2006-07-31T19:22:00.000-05:00

I am sick! I have experienced a loss my friends! I have experienced a loss equivalent to one of great financial proportions! I spent this afternoon's free time (the last afternoon of my "stay-at-home-mom career") working on a long overdue article for the pond.

Before publishing,I decided to cut and paste the words of my masterpiece into Microsoft Word's HTML editor. I felt the need to re-read it's full perfection in a larger window, privately. I wanted to let her (this genius and original creative piece of work) go slowly into the world wide web. Alone, she would soon leave me and selflessly subject herself to comment and diverse opinion! Plus, I still needed to use my spell checker.

I do not understand what happened next. Today's baby went bye bye! The imagery of a lost valuable is the best way I am able to describe the feelings I am experiencing. This image looking something like, loosing your entire month's salary after a great period of unemployment. Or, being the idiot who makes a careless driving mistake causing the complete and total wreckage of your best friend's band new and life long dream car!

I am sick dear friends, just sick! Will somebody please get me a bucket? I was two seconds away from entertaining my family and friends by providing a momentary glimpse into the world that is my "on the verge of a NB" and never ceasing brain!

(Ash reverts to her 14th year of life, whining...)

"I worked really really hard on it and now I am just tired and mad and have nothing but a sick stomach to show for my efforts! The four chocolate chip cookies and Diet Dr. Pepper I had for dinner were a momentary comfort. Now, I am bummed, exhausted and sugar sick! Blah Blah Blah... "

Ok... I guess I can rewrite it for y'all... someday. I was so excited about picking on my mom, sisters, and nieces. I was completely ready for witty retorts and unbiased personal remarks! I was all dressed up and now I have no place to go.

(Ashley sniffles as she stands, wiping away a tear, to take center stage in her living room.)

"I think my feelings can best be expressed by using the art form of theatre. Please, allow me to provide for you my interpretation of a brilliant and historically significant monologue. The piece comes from a scene in the (incomparable Drew Barrymore's) runaway blockbuster hit, Never Been Kissed. My (and Ms. Barrymore's character) being the ever hopeful and resilient, Josie.

As our scene opens, the audience perspective is that of a close up on Josie's hopeful and expectant face. She has prepared herself for a dream prom date with the campus hunk, and the object of her unrequited love. Josie, not yet aware of the cruel fate to befall her, stands outside the protection of her parent's home. She anxiously awaits the arrival of her prince charming. Looking up from her silver, purple and pink metallic ensemble, Josie sees the beginning or her dream approaching her front door. Her prince presents himself standing in the sunroof opening of his limousine. All out of love, she gazes upon the object of her affection, awaiting the beginning of their lives together. Horribly, she begins to detect the presence of her rival, Lisa. This female version of Quasimodo, she soon learns, is her dream man's real prom date and co-conspirator. Before Josie can allow the synapses in her brain to fire, she is pelted with eggs and publicly humiliated. The man she once believed to be her future husband continues to hurl unthinkable insults toward her as she steps into the full realization of her fate.

(Clearing her throat and taking a step forward, the actress (ashley) chooses a completely appropriate and perfectly executed dramatic pause. Firmly placingng her hands upon each side of her head, she speaks...)

Josie: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Thank You.... I will survive this episode to write again. I fear the lost post will remain lost.Foreverver. Her public form was just not meant to be seen. However, I am still going to present the illustration (<--- left---) and the quote that inspired the original post's creation. Please allow your imaginations to run wild. I always do... Amy Darby writes...

"Let me be the first to express my deep disappointment in your choice of layouts for your myspace page. PINK!??! SPARKLY GLITTERY GRAPHICS!??!? HAVE YOU NO SHAME? NO SENSE OF DECENCY? Are you trying to channel a prepubescent girl who thinks she picked the color pink for her favorite despite the evidence to the contrary, having been conditioned from birth that pink=girly. Therefore she succumbs to the predetermined gender role/stereotypes and meekly concedes to the color chosen for her because of her genetalia. Think about it Ashley. Think long and hard. Not to mention Barbies are the devil. Dress/ undress/ accessorize. This is what girls do. Think about it."

Spa Day.... at last!!

2006-07-29T08:17:00.000-05:00

I am already a Napsterd geek… walking around with a bright orange device strapped to my waist… pumpin the jams! What could be better? I know! SPA DAY! I will be pedicured, cut and facialed! I am so excited a can hardly type! And… we are gonna get Tsunami (ed)! Best Japanese Food I know of in this one horse town! So, I have to go… no time for blogging! I am too full of my pumpin, polished, pampered, and pigged out Bad Self! “Happy Berf Day to me…Happy Berf Day to me…”

Response to Becca...

2006-07-26T23:22:00.000-05:00

becca said...

what a wonderful legacy... to be able to walk in the places your parents and grandparents walked and to have physical reminders of the stories they told and events you experienced

Is this the home you talked about in your thesis? I know the story in the play was a fictionalized account of some true happenings...

10:39 PM, July 26, 2006

No... wrong Grandpa! Wrong home! The story in the play was very real and did happen to me and my brother's and sisters! The fictionalized parts of the play were contained in the artistic meanings I placed on the different elements of the story. I did not see myself as a child or speak to myself (sounds weird... you gotta read the play) I never chased a Butterfly... but I was always chasing love and forgiveness.. Jesus. And, I was always searching for healing and love for myself, as a child, and as a young woman.

I am finding it necessary to be clear about the Grandfather's home I am speaking of. ( previous post) Many "Pond" readers have been made aware of the events written about in my SWBTS Thesis Project: "Sally's Psalm."

Home in Thesis: (aka...Williams Avenue, Natchitoches, Louisiana) The Grandfather died and the house was sold.

Home in previous post: (aka...Paradise Road, Pineville, Louisiana) My Grandpa died, the house stayed in the family, years of memories were preserved!

The "Paradise Road Grandpa" called me Sally and I loved that. My grandfather choosing to create a nick name for me has always made me feel very special and loved! Using Sally in the One Act, "Sally's Psalm" was sort of an artistic choice. Sally's Psalm, translated, Sally's Praise to God, translated further, healing child's praise to God.

My other grandfather was the inspiration for the character known as "The Grandfather" in the one act. He never called me Sally. Sally was a name given to me by a Grandpa who loved, cherished and protected. My Grandpa would never dream of hurting any of his grandchildren. Paradise Road was truly a paradise for us. Williams avenue was a bad memory. Sounds harsh, I know, sorry to any family member who may feel differently.

Becca, your comment clarified further what I wanted to express about this place. It's not only the house on Paradise Road that is special to me. The house is made special because of the lives lived here.

We have a picture of my Grandfather's father. He is standing in the living room on the tile floors which still remain. My daughter's Great Great Grand father stood on the same floor where she was placed as a baby, where she has learned to walk, and where she plays today.

The way that I feel about Paradise Road originates in the memories we have made here. This home was not always perfect and some of the things that happened here were not like paradise. Still, there is love and forgiveness here. When it gets down to the nitty gritty, the most abundant gift given here is love!

I had a glorious time in my Grandpa's house. This home at times seemed to be the only place that I could come and feel safe. I think those memories and feelings are what brought me back here. In order to come back home for real... I had to grow up and wise up. I had to give and receive a lot of forgiveness. I feel very fortunate to be in the relationships I have with my family today.

So, to be clear, Paradise road was always Paradise. Sally was born in Paradise and survived Williams Avenue... I and Sally have been given back to Paradise Road. PTL, translated... Glory to God!

Paradise Road...2006

2006-07-23T23:15:00.000-05:00

I am visiting my parents on Paradise Road in Pineville, Louisiana.

My Grandparents purchased this land in 1950. They built this home where they lived until they died. My father and his wife made this house their home when my Grandfather died in 2005.

My Dad spent his childhood here. He walks around this property and shows us marks on trees and cracks in stone blocks that he caused as a child. He will point to something and say...

"I jumped my horse from here to here..." or "you see that cornerstone overthere... I rolled it to that very spot on a dare when I was 15 years old... And there it sits."

He points out structures that he helped my Grandpa build and tells stories of the time they spent here, together.

I also spent part of my childhood on this place. I spent summers here with my brothers, sisters and cousins. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of the experiences we had together and the stories behind the marks we made on this place. I now have the joy of sharing those stories with my daughters and their cousins.

My Grandma and Grandpa always made me feel special and loved when I was here. My grandpa had a nickname for me. He called me Sally Goodman. Grandpa often told me the story of the origin of my nickname. When I was born, he asked my parents what name they had given me. My mother told him my name, Ashley Gail. My grandpa responded...

"Ashley... thats no kinda name for a little girl! I'm callin her Sally,
Sally Goodman!"

My Grandpa called me Sally until he died. Some people believed that Sally was my real name! Pearl and Ezra were truly extraordinary grandparents. I adored my Grandpa and Grandma. I will never forget them, their stories, or their love for their family.

So, here I am..in the house my Grandpa built, where my aunt and uncle once lived as children and where I spent so many happy childhood memories. This very house is the place that my children call Grandma and Grandpa's house. They love to come for a visit and hear their Grandpa tell them some of the same stories I heard as a child.

This evening, I was giving my baby a bath in the dark green tub in my parent's bathroom. While I was rinsing Ellie's hair, I had a memory of the last time I spent with my Grandfather, here in this house, the weekend before he died.

I bathed my Grandpa in his green tub and helped him get dressed. I prepared for him a tuna salad and crackers and left him in his favorite chair...

"See you next week Grandpa!"

I collected my kids and we drove back to Opelousas.

My Grandpa died a few days later, in this home, in his bed.

Next, I remembered taking a bath, in the green tub, with my sister when we were very young. I remembered watching my Grandma wash her hair and setting it with rollers. I remembered playing with my Grandmother's make-up, mirror and brushes on her vanity. I remembered having my hair washed and curled in front of her mirror.

This house and the memories we have here are treasured! The walls my be a different color but it is the same home. I have come to love and appreciate the life and family legacy my parents and Grandparents have created here.

As my Grandpa was building his dream house, I wonder if he ever thought about the possibility of a Great-granddaughter bathing in his bath tub. Grandpa bought that tub on clearance in 1952 from a plumber who said he couldn't sell it because the color was so awful.

I know it would make my Grandpa and Grandma proud to know that we are here, remembering them, continuing our family.

My Grandpa built his Great-granddaughters a dream home in 1952.

A Boy has his Dog...

2006-07-23T17:22:00.000-05:00

A Girl has her phone!!

I am in LOVE with my new cell phone! Who knew life could be so enhanced by a device that is smaller than my hand! I am addicted! Not only is my husband complaining that I no longer spend time with him... my computer has become jealous!

My phone is AMAZING! I am having a blast. I spent yesterday afternoon choosing pictures and ring tones for the contacts in my address book!

I enjoy editing videos, creating music, surfing the web, downloading images and games, downloading songs and sermons! It's amazing!

I remember when I got my last cell phone! I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Now, that old cell phone is not even useful as a paper weight! What are devices going to be like in 2 years??

My cell is a gamer, MP3 player, wireless modem, FM radio, recorder, camera, TELEVISION, internet browser!!! On and ON! I suddenly understand the need to text message...! I have animations, sound effects, very near web page like editing abilities! I am a freak! As a matter of fact... The phone part of my cell phone is it's least used function! Deal with me as I bug you guys to death. So, like if I call you to say...

"What color Kleenex should I buy for the livingroom?" Just say... "uhh...
Off white!"

And don't giggle if I send you an image of the color samples! I can do that you know!

I am very near to falling in a technology black hole! I would no longer need to shower or maintain relationships with those EGR types (of which I am One!) ...

That desert island is looking pretty good. Except, I will need a few more things... Cell Phone, Computer, Desk, Chair, foot stool, tooth brush and paste, deoderant, shower, grocery store, my thermos, and Tiger Beat magazine! I think that will do it!

Gotta go, my cell phone needs me. It's beeping. I promised my little Sony Ericsson that I would polish her after her recharge! She has been so good today! Wise choices... she makes me so happy when she makes wise choices!

OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.'s Revision (revision)

2006-07-20T23:45:00.000-05:00

Sadly friends... It seems that I wrote incorrectly. I allowed my own personal admiration of Mr. Gosling's talent and intelligence to override the authentic opinion of (OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.) as a whole. It seems that A. LeJuene and S. Griffin (not only scored my Ryan low) have no idea who Mr. Gosling is or what he looks like. (not that his looks are a factor in his inclusion or rejection on the Hot List) According to the (OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.) rules, Mr. Ryan Gosling aka "The Notebook hottie" (per Tiger Beat c. June 2005) has been removed from the list.

Don't lose all hope ladies. A viewing of The Notebook will be suggested before the next (OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.) official meeting.

The (OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.) met this evening and voted unanimously on this meetings winning canidate. (OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.) group members in attendance were A. Trahan, S. Griffin, R. Janise, and L. Bullara. (A. LeJeune voted in absentia due to previously planned engagement.) Nominees for the evenings consideration were as follows: Colin Firth, Ewan McGregor, Tom Cruise, Viggo Mortenson and our (OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.) inductee... Matthew McConaughey... hey... hey! Complaints, objections, comments, and other thoughts must be in written form and submitted in the comment section of this website. No exceptions please. Until next time ladies and friends... Meeting concluded!!

The Hot List (revised)

2006-07-18T10:05:00.000-05:00

It has been brought to the attention of the Pre-School Mom's play group that the Hot List is not considered an Official Hot List League Recognized Group. (according to Teen People's July issue)

In order to become an official chapter of the League Recognized Hot List, this Pre-School Mom's group has agreed to the following conditions for submission. The guidlines and condiditons for addmission to the Official League RecognizedHot List: Pre-School Mom's Group Chapter, Opelousas, Louisiana. inc. To be known hereafter as (OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.) follow:

Nominations for OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc. must be submitted by OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc. group member. OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc. currently consists of three group members: A. Trahan, A. Lejeune, S. Griffin. First names are omitted because this writer has no clue how to spell the S. part of member Griffin's name.
OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc. Will meet once every other Thursday. An unlimited number of submissions are allowed for each meeting. However, only one nominee will be chosen for OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc. 's permanent record. Nominees will recieve a score in the range of 0 to 3, 3 being the highest possible score. Scores will be tallied and the nominee with the higest score will be included in the OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc. 's permanent record. (currently avilable for public viewing on this website)
OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc. members are allowed to change the above rules at any point.

So, the above set of unfortunate circumstances leaves us with only one Hot List submission. Ladies and Ladies, may I present... OLRHL:P-SMGC,OL inc.'s very first submission: (approved for the permanent record) Ryan Gosling!

Additional submission to be made on Thursday, July 20th 2006. OLRHL:PSMGC,OL inc.'s next meeting. Thank you for your time and attention!

OLRHL:PSMGC,OL inc.

Note to My Men Friends...

2006-07-15T23:14:00.000-05:00

To begin... Have you had the opportunity to experience the softness of pampered feet? Do you realize the level or happiness the owners of said feet have achieved?

Pedicures are goooood! I might even go so far as to say that a pedicure is better than Carrot Cake. Yes men friends... I said "better" than Carrot Cake!

Allow me to make my case:

The essential pedicure will make a girl feel pretty. She will be infused with feelings of love and forgiveness as soon as her feet hit the hot and wonderfully soothing water. Before the polish glides on to toe one, she will experience feelings of gratitude and appreciation. She will come to realize (a thing you have always known) how fortunate she is to have been placed in your life.

Her friends and she will participate in fabulous and entertaining conversation. They will agree quickly on a lunch spot due to their mutual feelings of satisfaction and self worth.

She will pause the conversation during lunch, feeling guilty about her previous participation in any Hot List discussion, and risk humiliation. The woman in your life will begin to insist that your name and image be included in the Hot List. Lunch will conclude. She will quickly shop for shoes and come home satisfied!

Greeting you at the door, she will respond,

"absolutely dear... you go and (insert generic man activity of your choice) with your friends. I'll stay here with the family and make you a nice meal!"

This happy girl will cheerfully hug your neck and kiss your cheek as you head out the door.

Further... a pedicure will not cause her feelings guilt nor will it make her feel fat!

Men friends... of all shapes... sizes... and ages... hear my message loud and clear!!

Is there a woman in your life who makes you happy? Perhaps she is a mom, wife, girlfriend, grandma, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin... needing a better day. I am confident that you need not be reminded of the following truism...

"When mammas not happy... ain't nobody happy!"

You have the choice to make the women in your life happy today! Make yourself happy and give a girl a pedicure! (and a gift card to her favorite shoe store and a gift card to her favorite lunch spot) Give this gift men friends and I promise... you will not go wrong!! (within reason geeks)

This writer is feeling happy... pretty... relaxed... and she is feeling like a girl again!

"Sweetheart... can I bring you some beef jerky and a coke... yes honey... a real Coke! You better get going soon dear... you'll miss the start of your Halo party! See you when you get home... anytime is fine dear... Bye bye now... Love you!"

The Pond is Complete!!

2006-07-14T09:43:00.000-05:00

Yesssssss!! I am proud and pleased to announce the following: I have graduated from Apprentice Youngling in training to Apprentice Youngling! Thank you very much!! Acceptance speech follows...

"I would like to take this opportunity to thank a few people. (choking back tears) I would not be an Apprentice Youngling today, if it were not for a few close friends and my mom. First... Thank you mommy for the construction of the Pond's header. Your ability to understand me is on a master's level. Next, I would like to thank Mr. Evil Geek in Yellow. Well, (feeling unusual wave of forgiveness and love) maybe now just Mr. Geek in Yellow. I would like to thank Mr. Geek in Yellow for his assistance. Mr. Yellow (AKA Padawan Jon) selflessly wrote the code I so desperately needed to place the Pond's header in it's proper location. Thank you Mr. Yellow!! You are indeed a respected and greatly loved friend."

So, The Pond in complete, VBS is ova, (except for the children's musical on Sunday evening.) Although my lil' E.P.T. is still a turd muffin... I did achieve very near seven hours of sleep last night! AND, my (long awaited and greatly needed) pedicure is scheduled for Saturday morning! I am going with six other girlfriends. BTW, you may not want to be around us Saturday afternoon. We girls have a tendency to get a little full of ourselves after a day of lunching and pampering. Expect Hot List additions and deletions!

The stomach virus of '06 has finally disappeared in my household! Well, we still have a few stinky reminders. The Trahan family is directly responsible for the infection of a family of dear friends. Sorry! You forgive?

Now that the updating and improvement of The Pond's look and feel is complete, I can now resume "normal" sloth filled summer afternoons with my children. We have decided to fill this particular afternoon with movies and naps! Back to my ZUMA obsession! Enjoy the new Pond!! Like it?

The Notorious E.P.T.

2006-07-12T14:58:00.000-05:00

My wee one… Ellie. Now, please do not misunderstand. Some of my readers got the “Dream Girls” post a little wrong. I am very much in love with my children. However, I am perfectly able to percieve the parts of them that are not so desirable. And… I will even take responsibility for their less desirable attributes. I am a stinker of a disciplinarian and a bit of a lazy parent. I let my kids stay up too late and from time to time, they have oatmeal cookies and chocolate milk for breakfast. I forget to give them their vitamins. I do not know how much protein they get on a daily basis nor do I know where their clothing is manufactured. I am not a Type A mom. Oh contraire, my children are allowed to eat bananas after they drop them on the kitchen floor and they do not always take a bath (during the summer). That being stated...

My favorite part of the day occurs when, detectable without error, my children are ASLEEP in their beds. This quiet point is known as “Peace-Time.” I am finally able to allow my shoulders to slouch and my stomach to extend. The furrow in my brow subsides and my eyebrow twitch is not as noticeable. I reduce the level of tension in my voice and am able lower its volume considerably. I am finally able to eat the chocolate kiss I have been hiding from my little kleptomaniacs all day. I pour myself a new Diet Coke and relish its refreshment…resting in the knowledge that there is no baby slobber or snot lurking around the ice cubes. It is a wonderful, peaceful, relaxing, cherished and quiet time in our household.

Now, to Ellie (also known as) The Bellie, Ellie Bellie Boo Boo Head, or simply…The Stinker!

On Sunday evening last, just as I was settling into “Peace-time” I heard a slight noise coming from the girl’s bedroom. I froze… terrified that the noise was either a child awake or one that was going to cause my children to become awakened.

“Shhh…”, I said to my husband… “Don’t breathe… don’t move.”

Using my mommy ears, I zeroed into the location of the noise. The disturbance was coming from the lower left portion of the crib. I detected stirs and slight movement but was soon confident that the trouble had passed.

“It’s OK” I said,“We can stand down. Whew… OK.. You can breathe now…quietly!”

I settled back into my comfortable chair and began again the relaxation process. Barely a moment passed before we heard our youngest child let out a scream of 1980’s slasher flick proportions! Then, we heard the thud of Ellie’s binkie hitting the ground. This binkie chucking action is equivalent to the throwing down of the gauntlet. This is Ellie’s way of communicating to her parents that she is serious and ready for battle! The Extra Sensory Percieved communication being...

“Come get me right now or I am really going to scream!”

Jason and I stare at each other as we silently wager who will be the one to enter the bedroom. He lost.

Jason returns with Ellie in his arms. They pass me as she extends her tiny arm opening and closing her hand. Translation: “Mommy!” This, my friends, was only the beginning of the adventure ahead of us. Ellie was awake and cranky! "War-time" had begun.

She wanted my Diet Coke and my Hershey’s Kiss. I refused which immediately launched her into the rehearsal and performance of her Friday the 13th – Twenty-Three (Cyber-Bot Jason) audition. This award winning performance continued until the very early hours of the morning. We tried everything we could think of to comfort her… there was no remedy.

We gave her gas drops and Tylenol covering all bases. As 2:30 am approached… exhausted, Ellie finally decided to lie down and fall asleep. Jason and I quietly and gently rolled over to fall asleep ourselves.

Another Mommy lesson: A child’s late bedtime does not have an effect on the time in which she rises. Ellie and Catie both were awake at 7am.

Why does God make children cute? Survival of the Species!

Wednesday... Update

2006-07-12T08:41:00.000-05:00

As you can see, by the lack of changes, my dabble in the Fine Art of Blogging has failed miserably

(Evil Geek in Yellow Chuckles)

I have had FIVE Strokes and Six heart attacks since yesterday morning! At one point, it looked as though I had deleted my entire archive!! When all is lost... start over (or) scream

"nooooooooooooooo!!"

I am learning... I have discovered many things... most of my time has been spent just trying to figure out what to change and deciphering HTML code! I now have my tools in place... I have not given up! I will continue to venture into the Art of the Blog!!

I do think calling myself a youngling was a bit of an overstatement! I think, maybe, now I can call myself an apprentice Youngling in training! Again... I will not cave... AND... It is VBS week! AND... My 18 month old is still a turd muffin! AND... I need a pedicure!!! Maybe this was not such a good week to attempt BLOG tweaking! Here I go again! Previous warnings apply... Try not to giggle as you log on and see that I have inadvertently changed the background color to chartreuse!

Under Construction....

2006-07-11T09:33:00.000-05:00

Hey You Guys!!!... (remember the Electric Company?)

Just deal with me today... as I attempt to change the "look and Feel" of my BLOG space...
As my Good Friend & Evil Doing Geek Co-conspirator has said

"patience Youngling... one does not master the art of the blog overnight.."

From the words of the "master" to you... So, give me today... and if I can't swing it... I did save an emergency "she completely failed" back up copy of previous template. What do you think of the new look? Do you want the old one back? I am attempting a custom header graphic and coloring... I prefer green. I like the tab design... so... if you are logging on and currently see something very strange... relax and know that Ashley is attempting to grow her brain a little today... which may not be easy... I have had ZERO sleep!! I am currently in the planning stages for the Blog entry that will make a case for the trial and conviction of my 18 month old. The charge: Parental Abuse!!

A Fallen Woman...

2006-07-08T20:57:00.000-05:00

I am going to bring myself to the point of confession. I have a weakness... for a thing. Let’s just say that I have a weakness for a couple of things... Ummm… Maybe it is more honest to say that I have some minor weaknesses... OK! I AM WEAK! Do-over… I am going to bring myself to the point of confession… I am a weak... weak... woman.

At my very core... I am little more than a wet piece of cheap bathroom tissue. At times, I can be stronger... There are days when I have the strength to go out in the sun and allow myself to dry a bit. I may even call two or three friends for some added support. Then... I have become a dry piece of three-ply. At my very best... I am merely intact three-ply, albeit, name brand bathroom tissue!

The particular weakness I speaking of today has to do with an object, which has caused me great distress and pain. I have been in the same room with this thing and resisted its charms… as it calls for me… longing for me… telling me that I am smart… beautiful… funny… talented… worthy… se… uh (Clears throat) nice... I have walked away before… pride intact… a whole and complete woman.

Last Thursday evening... I was not as successful. I found myself in the same room with this thing once again. It was looking my way, knowingly, with that old familiar charm. I was feeling needy. I had no girlfriends along to offer those much needed and wise words of encouragement.

“Don’t do it Ash… It’s not worth it, you are better than that… You know how you are going to feel tomorrow… If you go there again… when it is all over… don’t call me to pick up the pieces… You are on your own this time… I am not going through this with you again Ashley!”

Yet, there I was… alone. There was only the thing... a room... my own weak will... and me. I am just a girl... what could I do? Friends… I fell!

So... here I sit... a fallen woman... A person who is unable to resist the charms of … I can’t say it… I am so ashamed! I am too weak. carrot cake…

No... no, no... It's OK... I’m OK. I have been here before and survived. My friends will forgive me and I will forgive myself, again... It’s just that icing… that creamy cream cheese icing… and those textures… those impossible textures... how does it do that? I find them to be so satisfying and so sweet… then... when it’s done well… I mean... when it's done right... those spices… the cinnamon and the... Oh come on! I can’t... I just can't go there again! I need a program...

I Am A Story...

2006-07-08T12:52:00.000-05:00

Closing my eyes
Looking inside of me
Uncovering a story
Seeing myself break into pieces
Forming letters and punctuations
Falling on the page
Organizing my body
Shaping a word
Making a sentence
Creating a story
Resting on the page
Leaving me there
Opening my eyes
Looking up I am restored

Climbing Back On the Wheel, Again…

2006-07-06T23:55:00.000-05:00

During Today's Oswald Reading, (July 06, 2006) I realized that I am one of those children (sheep, younglings, works in progress, sinners) who likes to think that she can take things into her own hands and run. I have a tendency to climb off the potter’s wheel and go MIA.

I have this image of myself, hopping down, brushing myself off, and charging into Ashley’s World. I see myself looking over my shoulder as I brush away at God’s artistry. I push and pull at the work he has completed (with His careful hand) and cram in my clay, my own vision of myself. I thoughtlessly reshape his work and fill in the places He has so lovingly exposed.

Why do I insist on undoing God’s work in me?

When I was a teenager, my family owned a Sheltie (miniature Collie) named Duffy. Duffy had very long shaggy hair and liked to get out in the rain and run. He was not allowed back in the house when he was wet and muddy. Someone in my family would give him a bath and then we would laugh as he rubbed himself dry on the ground. His coat was always so beautiful and shiny after his bath. Duffy never failed our expectations of him. He took the first opportunity he was given to get back in that mud and roll! Duffy didn’t really like to be put in the bathtub time after time. Yet, he continued to run away and roll in the muddy water.

I don’t think it is great fun to allow God to carve out the undesirable places in me. Yet, I continue to get up and run away as I rub at the places he has polished. Why put myself through repeated excavation? One confession of sin and repentance is hard enough. Why do I insist on going down the same painful road again?

Christians are to offer themselves as living sacrifices. Daily, we are to make the choice to lay ourselves down at the Potter’s Wheel. We ask the Lord to forgive our sinful imperfections and make us into a work of art. I only want to be a Masterpiece in the eyes of God, the Maker’s Masterpiece. I choose to fight against the opinions of this world and my own sinful desires. That worldly and sinful image of me has proven to be a complete failure more than once! I find myself limping back, broken and dirty, laying myself back down on the potter’s wheel and asking for mercy, again.

Forgive me Lord for running away from you. I know you will complete the work you have begun in me. I want to be in the full vision of life that you have given to me. So, I am placing myself back down on the Potter’s wheel… and ask you again to make me into the woman you want me to be. I ask you to forgive me for my selfish desires and to remove the sin I have placed in my heart.

Introducing the Princess Shoes Incident!

2006-07-05T11:24:00.000-05:00

Reminiscent of Train-Up

(Translated for you Non-Company Readers)
Bratty Kids Plus

(Wow… Good name for a store!)

Unbelievably… since becoming a Mommy to little girls, I have gotten into the whole looking cute and girly thing, especially where my girls are concerned. Easter is kind of a “Mommy who has girls” extravaganza! I keep my eyes open all year for the perfect Easter dress and accessories, for both of my girls. Well, this past year, I did not have much luck. Then, a friend of mine (who has excellent taste I might add) handed down several dresses to Catie. Bingo! The dress was contained in the bag of little girl clothes… Problem…No shoes.

Things were somewhat busy around Easter this year so, I did not quite get around to buying shoes for this perfect dress until the afternoon before Easter Sunday. I could find nothing! Therefore, I had to settle for some extremely over priced, overly decorated, and too high platform shoes… for my FIVE YEAR OLD!

My prissy pot kid, of course, fell madly in love with those darn “stripper in training” Easter Sunday Shoes. She wants to wear them all the time. She is mostly allowed to wear them when she is playing dress-up in the house.

Last Friday, during one many long afternoons, Catie decided to drag out all of her dress up stuff and get girly! She was running all over the place in those clickity clack shoes. Ribbons and beads were trailing with lip-gloss and perfume smeared over every possible portion of her weenie bod.

This past Sunday morning… Jay and I were dressing the girls for church. Ellie was wearing a cute little toddler dress with yellow sandals. Very smart! Catie ended up in jeans and a t-shirt. Right as we were walking out of the door, Catie decided that she could not possibly go to church in jeans with her sissy looking so girly and cute. Catie (in her, I am about to loose it, 5 year old way) let me know that she would like to wear her pink Easter princess dress. Quite a choice.

I decided to avoid the drama and quickly help Catie change her clothes. I took off the jeans and a T and slipped the dress over her head. Beaming she said,

“Oh Mommy, Daddy is gonna love it!” “Yes”, I said… “Go put your shoes on and let’s go.” “The princess shoes?” she said with a sort of desperate and hopeful voice… “Yes”, I replied…

I must have been in a particularly accommodating mood that morning.

“Oh mommy… I am going to look so pretty… everybody is gonna say how pretty I look…”

Yikes, what have I created?

We continued to load up in order to leave and Catie was nowhere in sight. I called for her to come and get in the car and she let me know that she was unable to find her shoes. Well, another ability a new mommy grows is the ability to find just about anything in 3 minutes flat while her husband is still trying to decide where to look first.

I begin my “most likely locations” search and come up empty. Phase II of search commences… hard to reach locations. As I am beginning to break a sweat… I look up from my floor crawl position to see my husband standing in the doorway, scratching his head…"hmmmm...." Drop number one (many more to come) of sweat rolls down my nose and the Trahan, family war of 2006 begins.

I do not know why the war happened that day… we usually have about one a year… (War level “disagreements”) I am sure that those of you who know and love my husband and me will be able to use your completely competent imaginations and fill in the next series of words exchanged.

(Insert verbal war)

We were already late for Sunday school that morning. (Refer to Sunday AM post) I hate to be late! Once our family nears late status… I get a little agitated and my stress level rises. I am no fun!

Friends… 20 minutes pass looking for stripper shoes! I am way passed “let’s just get a divorce” level agitation! Things are strewn everywhere looking for STRIPPER shoes. When being late for church time approaches… I let Catie know that she is going to have to put her jeans back on so we can go to church. I change her clothes as she throws her “I’m gonna run away and live with Grandma” fit and we finally get out the door.

The drive to our church is only about 3 minutes long. Jay and I try to do our best to patch things up before we enter the worship center.

“Sorry babe…” “Yeah…sorry…”

Then, we walk into the church (all smiles) and go to our perspective places of service. Later that afternoon (after, lunch, naps, and a parental decompression session) Jay and I pack up the kids to go to the Fourth of July ice cream social at church. We had no services that evening. Soooooooo, my girlfriends and I convinced our husbands to stay home with our kids (6 in total) and allow us to go to a coffee joint for some caffeine and great conversation! (Refer to Hotlist)

I went home to exchange diaper bag for purse and waited for my friend to pick me up. The doorbell rang and I grabbed my purse from the bedroom (dusted it off) and my wallet out of the diaper bag. I got in the car, my friend and I said our hellos, and I opened my purse to put away my wallet. Surprise…the ONLY thing in my purse was (you guessed it) THE STRIPPER SHOES!

To add insult to injury, I opened my wallet and the majority of my forms of payment were missing! I had the challenge of going to coffee with only my wit, an empty wallet, and a pair of size 1 stripper shoes. Thankfully, my friends saved me from any kind of sin or law breaking. I borrowed $10.00 from Adrienne… I told her that if I did not get the money back to her… she could have one of my children… her response…

“No… no, no… that’s not necessary Ash, just keep the money!”

Forgive Todd Bridges?

2006-07-03T14:13:00.000-05:00

I had to forgive Todd Bridges. I know that sounds odd, but I did. We are talking about the “What you talking bout Willis” Todd Bridges…

When I was 15 or so (1983) my mom took our family to Los Angles for a vacation… I was so excited! By that time in my life, I had already decided that I wanted to be famous. I found myself to be consumed by all things famous. I wanted to meet famous people, I wanted to see famous places, and I wanted to be a star! In my mind, our Los Angeles vacation was really my chance to be discovered. As part of our trip, we went to Paramount Studios for the Studio Tour… while we were there, we decided see the studio show… at the very beginning of the show, the M.C came out and asked for volunteers... they were going to show us how to make a movie and they needed volunteer actors..

Well, clearly, this was my big chance… my big break… I was going to get my start at Paramount Studios in the studio show and be the next big thing! So, I raised my hand and jumped up and down until they were forced to choose me! They picked me and my brother to be Harold and Maude… we were to be part of a Bank Robbery or something… hostages in a canoe or something like that… whatever, it didn’t matter!

They took us backstage and showed us where to change into our costumes… We were in old west clothing, with skirts, hats, and guns…The costumes were much cooler than you would think! When the rest of the volunteer actors, my brother and I were all dressed and ready to go, the “director/MC” came back stage and told us everything we would be doing… basically we had all signed up to be targets! We found out that were going to be pelted with crème pies and soaked with water. GREAT! I didn’t care… this was my destiny… REMEMBER! This was in fact my chance to be a star!

"There are no small parts, only small actors!"

So, I climbed into my mechanical canoe and began to prepare. The director came over to our part of the set and gave my brother an ore and he gave me a pail for water bailing he explained. Now, I was taking Drama in High school… So, I made a choice to bail. I committed to the bailing… as my life depended on it. I bailed and I bailed… I bailed as if I were really in a sinking canoe on some mountain river somewhere… running for my life from bank robbers and police!

Then, I heard this “click” and a massive curtain opened. I broke character for a moment and looked out into the audience. What seemed to be more than 600 people were laughing hysterically… due to my genius performance... obviously… and then I got a face full of water. The water came and came and came! We were dripping, soaked to the bone, drenched! Then the curtain closed and it was over. That was it? That was my big chance?

A stage-hand came to get the canoe and told us to go back stage. He pointed out the towels and said there would be a hairdryer in the bathroom.

"Go change… and hurry or you wont get to see the video tape playback. "

Oh yeah…they filmed us! Game back on! We made a MOVIE!! I ran, soaking wet, to the bathroom. I noticed noises comming from a room near by... so I looked in and there he was, TODD BRIDGES! I thought to myself…

"oh my gosh, there’s Todd Bridges! That’s a famous person… Todd Bridges!"

He was waiting in the editing room, with the technicians, until the time for his personal appearance at the end of the show. They were watching the edit and video playback of and my brother and me, in the canoe, being waylaid by water. Todd Bridges was eating popcorn and laughing like crazy! I then began to feel pretty good about my chances in the entertainment industry! After all, he was a famous person and he was laughing at my performance… I was going to be huge…I mean he had connections right… I mean this was good thing, very good!

Some of the technicians glanced my way… and then it happened… he said it… Todd Bridges opened his mouth and he said it…

“Oh, my Gosh man… look at that fat girl…she is so fat… she is so fat that she is sinking the canoe!”

I was stunned… I froze for a moment and then ran for the bathroom… I wanted to die…I wanted to just disappear and die. I closed the bathroom door and cried. I changed my clothes and cried… dried my hair, crying… and ran past Todd Bridges back to my seat. I sat down and I cried.

My Mom asked what was wrong and my brother said…loudly...

“Todd Bridges called her Fat!”

Then, I heard the director say,

“Roll tape!”

I looked up and there I was… fat Ashley for 600 people to see. My soaked image was as big as a movie screen. I sat there humiliated… and with 600 people watching, I cried.

I was so hurt that day…so hurt… that I made the decision to never let anyone have access to me again… not Todd Bridges, not my friends or bullies at school, not my brothers or sisters, not anyone… I had already begun to build this wall around myself… around my heart… and that day… I decided to finish it! No one was getting in! No one!

Jesus got in…it was years later… but.. Praise God… Jesus got in! Now that is a wonderful story! He sat there with me, inside that wall, and he comforted me. That’s how I lived for a very long time…hiding and self-protecting until I had robbed myself of some very important things… If I had made the choice to shut out Todd Bridges and everyone one who had (could or would) ever hurt me, then I had made the decision to shut out everything else. I had chosen to give up love and joy, relationships and life! I was living in a fake and isolated place.

When I thought I was ready, I would take down a brick or two on my own… and when I got hurt…I would put them right back up again. One day, as I was sitting there, hammering away at the mortar and brick, I heard Him say to me…

“Ashley, you need to forgive Todd Bridges.”

I thought to myself,

“Todd Bridges…why? That was so long ago, I’ve done that, haven’t I? I've studied and I know about all that stuff. 'You have been forgiven, so now you must forgive.' I know that stuff…I do my quiet time and I forgive!”

Suddenly, I began realize some very important things about myself. If I had forgiven... then why did I feel the need to keep hiding behind a wall? If I had truly forgiven, then I would no longer be hanging on to all that hurt or be so fearful of being hurt again. I wouldn’t feel the need to spend much of my time and energy rebuilding my wall of protection. Had I forgiven, really?

In order to live a life full of joy serving him with out fear... then I needed to forgive (truly) and take down that wall. I needed to take down my wall and let people inside, so that they could see Jesus... with me… He is my rock and He is my protection. He was there and he loved me until I was ready to forgive and love myself and others as He loves.

After that realization... I was able to forgive Todd Bridges... completely. We then began to work on all of that other hurt. Together, we took that wall down... Jesus and me.

"Thank you Lord, for forgiving me. I am the worst person... who has hurt you again and again."

So... this is what I want to say... here I am. I am not afraid and I am not hiding anymore… because of Jesus… He is the one who saved me.

The above words are from a monologue that I wrote for a Theatre conference which took place in February of 06. The performance of this monologue was the first time that I put myself back on the stage after a break of almost 10 years. It was an amazing experience and a step further into the healing process. I am continually amazed with the progress of healing in my life. I just did not know what I was missing…real love… real life... meaningful friendships… forgiveness and true fellowship.

Thank you friends and family! I am so happy to be able to say… with out fear… sincerely … I Love you!

Seriously... (Title Spoken With "Affleckese" Boston Accent)

2006-07-02T08:20:00.000-05:00

Hey...
I know I am bugging the poo out of you all... but I have to get something out... My computer, desktop and browser are so tricked out it is not even funny! I have ordered an internet capable media MP3 cell phone... (See geek Alert Post) I have news updates and gadgets and photos and all kinds of junk! Every once in a while... this very polite window fades into my desktop as if to say...

"Excuse me Mrs. Trahan... but you have a message waiting, would you like to read it now or later?" or "There has been some activity over seas... would you like the news report Mrs. Trahan?" and "So sorry to bother, but it seems that Brittney Spears has taken off her clothes again... do you have an opinion about that?"

The window quietly waits for my response and then politely fades away... It is so nice and patient. Nothing like a 39 year old husband and 5 year old child! Let's not forget the 18 month old with a screaming addiction! SERIOUSLY!! I have a BLOG and A My Space page! ME! I Love GOOGLE everything. Guys, we need to buy GOOGLE stock. They are totally targeting our age group, well some of your ages, anyway! I am a kid in a candy store... I am a GEEK!! Who knew? (careful)

I have not turned on the television or gone for a walk in weeks. There is a permanent coffee stain next to my monitor... my husband said yesterday that he was jealous of my COMPUTER! I am not allowing myself adequate sleep! I have lost 10 pounds!! NO LIE GIRLS!! (The computer geek addiction diet!) Good thing I have children, responsibilities, friends, family... otherwise I could become one of those smelly homebody computer geeks (well at the time... I am currently smelly, but I have to go to church very soon.. I still have time to shower and make Sunday School... well, I may miss Sunday School...) I know... I could divorce my husband... give custody of my children to my parents... sell everything (except my computer, desk, coffee supplies, and foot stool) and move to a fully Internet capable desert island and rot! Nah... I'll stick with the part time home bound smelly geek with a husband and kids... Ahhh, I can always dream... You know where to find me!

At last... The Evil Plot is FOILED!

2006-06-30T20:29:00.000-05:00

Exhibit A ------>

I have finally uncovered the irrefutable evidence of a conspiracy! Brothers and sisters....feah! There is an incident in The Company's history known as the Bear Scare. Of which, I have recently discovered, I am the only victim! The main culprit in this story from The Company's Lore is Jon P. (the sneaky looking fellow pictured in yellow) Many years ago, in a Southern Baptist Camp, far... far... far... (FAR) away... stayed a completely innocent and undeserving victim (overwhelmingly attractive and expressive young lady in black... above) of a hideously conceived and highly successful practical joke. Jon ( the afore mentioned man in yellow) took it upon himself to recruit a minion (of his sex...Michael Winters... not pictured) and hatch a devious plot! This Plot follows: (yes, again, Melissa)

Two geeks, a boom box, and a sound effects cd (complete with yards of bright orange extension cord) place themselves outside the window of an evil princess (redhead in halter above) and her completely innocent and undeserving cabin mate (beauty in black previously mentioned). The Evil Princess is a very talented and adept deceiver who has convinced her completely innocent cabin mate of her kindness and loyalty. Tired, the cabin mates arrive home late one evening, after a long walk in the wilderness, and ready themselves for bed. The evil doers ( of opposite sex) prepare themselves for action outside the cabin window as the young women change into their evening clothes. Lights out, additional hour of conversation occurs, and the innocent cabin mate rolls over to fall asleep. Exit persona of trusted and much beloved cabin mate... enter persona of Evil Princess and co-conspirator. Plan Bear Scare commences as the Evil Princess speaks... skillfully...

"Uh... Ashley, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" the innocent cabin mate replies...

"That noise, it sounds like a bear is outside of our window... oh... there it is again... you didn't hear that? Oh my gosh... there is something outside the window... Please... Please... Ashley... I am so scared! Please come over here and look... there it is again... come see... I'm too scared... pleeeeease Ashley!"

Detecting the fear in her "trusted friend's" skillful voice... Innocent cabin mate, selflessly and innocently, tumbles out of her warm bed (in which she was very near slumber) to investigate the source of the noises. Evil Princess continues...

"There it is again... you didn't hear that... I think it is coming from the dumpster... that dumpster way over there under the light pole... can you see it... oh, there it is again... I'm soooo scared Ashley..."

Convinced and manipulated by the Evil Princess, Innocent cabin mate places her face on the window screen in order to see behind the lit dumpster fifty yards away. Cabin mate hears a noise...

"Yeah.. I did hear something... wow... do you think there really is a bear out there... man... it would be kind of cool to see a ba....."

Geeks stand and collectively speak...

"roar"

(Insert, Blood Curdling Scream and commence death defying and super human series of back flips and terrified scrambling, here.)

Innocent victim flies through the air and lands in the corner of the room very near coma and psychotic break. (Let it be known, for those of you who have not had the pleasure of the Evil Princess' company, that she has a very charming and feminine southern accent.) Evil Princess speaks...

"Eeeek... (giggle) you scared me...(hand over heart) Oh my gosh (giggle, giggle) that wasn't funny... if you were inside this room Jon Polk... I could just slap you... (giggle, giggle) that really scared me!"

As the innocent cabin mate slowly comes back into her body, she is filled with rage and begins to spew expletives as she threatens bodily harm. Geeks run. Evil Princess giggles. Innocent victim vows revenge!

Resume present discovery... As the years have gone by... I have repeated this story to family and friends. The bear scare is one of my favorite stories from my Seminary Days. At the conclusion of the story's telling... the listener always says...

"Are you sure your roommate wasn't in on that... I think she was part of it... Yeah, I think she knew about it... She set you up Ash...)

At our recent Company gathering, I let Kim know (Evil Princess) that if she was in on the joke, I would not hold it against her. I assured her that although there was a time where I would have caused her great bodily harm at such an emission... I had come to a point at which she would be perfectly safe if she chose to tell the truth and admit her part in the devious plot. All participants assured me that Kim was completely innocent and had no previous knowledge of the planned incident. I again, innocently and foolishly, believed them and asked Kim to forgive me for ever thinking such a thing about my friend.

Ladies and Gentlemen... Allow me to present exhibit A... (Above Photo) The truth is revealed at last! Why, dear readers, would it be necessary for Mr. Polk a.k.a. "Pappa Jon/Evil Doing Geek" to shush my "friend" behind my back. If my memory serves me correctly, and it does friends, I was in the middle of this story's telling for the 5th time that weekend. I now stand convinced of her guilt and am dismayed by her repeated claims of innocence. I ask you today (dear pond readers) to find her guilty of Conspiracy in the First Degree with the added Special Circumstance of Geek Fraternization.

Prosecution Rests...

The Hot List

2006-06-29T18:18:00.000-05:00

I would like to take the opportunity to introduce a new sidebar at the pond. After a wonderful lunch this afternoon (with the Preschool Mom's group) my girlfriends and I landed on a intellectually stimulating topic of conversation. We found ourselves talking about persons of whom we held a great deal of respect. I though it might be important for me to share the names and images of the individuals who attracted the most attention. We spent an extensive amount of time discussing the attributes of each individual listed. We, as a group, would not feel like our time was of use if we failed to record the outcome of our discussion. As some of you may have noticed, the names and images of our husbands (Jason, Mike, and Darrell) are omitted. These names are already written on the most important lists of all. We have recorded their names and images on our hearts. My girlfriends and I will meet on a regular basis in order to discuss any additions or omissions in this new sidebar. Have we forgotten anyone of note? If you would like to add the name of anyone (who holds a similar kind of esteem in your personal conversations) please include their name and image in an email. I will present your suggestions at the next preschool Mom's group meeting. We will meet every other Thursday. Check back for updates. BTW, this site is best viewed with Firefox. If you are using any other browser, you may find that the sidebars are all the way down at the bottom left of the page.

I mo kill me a Woodpecker!

2006-06-29T08:48:00.000-05:00

My (Once Perfect) No Longer New front porch post!------->

OK, let us remember some very important things about Ashley. She has a temper and she is a Louisiana native currently residing in the state! I am married to a man who owns more than one gun, my grandpa was affectionately know as "The Deer Slayer" (Yes, that includes Bambi) and my Daddy owns a whole bunch a different kinda guns! So, please do not be surprised by my next statement of fact!

I mo kill me a woodpecker!

I decided to enlistst the help of some friends as a part of my Woodpecker killin research. Last night at choir practice, I asked all my southern, Cajun, dying to help a southern girl, friends (who are all very large men, btw) how one would go about killin a woodpecker. My favorite responses follow.

"Shoot it!" "Get you a gun girl!" "You got a Gun?" "Don't Jason got a gun?"

Clearly, a gun is the way out of this mess! My reply...

"OK, a gun, umm... how do you shoot a woodpecker with out killing the neighbor's kid?"

Further responses...

"Get you a pellet Gun!" "A b b all do it!"

Then we heard the voice of knowledge, experience, and wisdom. We affectionately call this very wise (born and raised in Louisiana) man, Cowboy. A person has to know him for a little while or be a native Louisianan in order to understand him at first meeting.

"You cain't kill woodpeckers... you have ta have a permit. Well, I guess you can kill it, just don't tell nobody about it!"

What!? I can't kill me no woodpecker. Oh yeah, I'ma gonna kill me a woodpecker! I mo kill me a woodpecker and make me some gravy over rice! Please... don't call PETA. I know I have some readers from the western states. Don't think ill of me. Don't call a model! I don't need the competition! Let us just keep this little issue to ourselves. Got any good recipes?

To Commit or not to Commit... That is the holdup!

2006-06-28T04:35:00.000-05:00

<----***GEEK ALERT***---->

I have not purchased my new phone yet! I just can't seem to make a decision. I think I am most interested in a cell phone that is also an MP3 player. I like Cingular Service Plans the best. I have been looking at the Sony Ericsson W600i for Cingular. It looks and sounds like a good deal. I love music and arcade games. I would like to purchase a phone that I will not be sick of in 6 months! This one looks pretty good. I am not much interested in wireless internet of heavy texting. I am not exactly a world traveler. I do, however, spend a little time in doctor, dentist, and other child care related offices! Any advice... Oh beloved geeks? Does a person just suck it up and do the two year service agreement? This phone is 400.00 without a contract agreement. I can get it free if I want to fork out a couple of hundred bucks and go the rebate route or just pay $50.00. BTW, yes... I am up at this unholy hour! My kids both popped their eyes open at 2:30 am... Did their best to wake mommy up and then went right back to sleep! Jason has this unique ability to remain asleep during Rock Concerts and Four Alarm Fires!! I, on the other hand, am awakened by the sneeze of a dust mite only to remain awake until just about 30 minutes before the girls wake up and want breakfast! Pooter Heads!! Help, I am truly asking for advice! (About the phones... Not the other rabbits!)

Sunday at Park Springs Bible Church

2006-06-26T20:41:00.000-05:00

(<--- The Reese Building, Fellowship Hall @ PSBC)

A few weeks ago, Jane Reese and I were invited to be a part of the Youth Evangelism Conference in Dallas, Texas. The event took place this past weekend. I was so excited when I realized that I was going to be in the metro-plex on my first day to pray for Jane. Jane and I were roomies during the conference and were able to spend some quality time together and talk. We were both very glad to have that opportunity together! Thank you to Dennis and Tillman for the invites to the conference.

I am proud to say that I was present at Savannah’s very first girl party. We propped her up on the bed and surrounded her with pillows. She looked just like a little princess on a throne! In addition, I must say, that Savannah was the perfect roommie. She was very polite in asserting her needs and went right back to sleep when satisfied! Savannah gives good BABY! Savannah was also sweet enough to take the time and let me know (privately) that I was her very favorite Company auntie! Take that sistas! Jane and Savannah went back to Arlington on Saturday afternoon.

On Sunday morning, I made my way to Park Springs Bible Church per John’s most excellent directions. As stated in the previous post, I found myself to be overly everything on Sunday AM… overly tired… overly sentimental… and overly emotional. I grabbed my Bible and a pack of Kleenex and walked toward the building.

It was celebration Sunday at Park Springs. The church was to be dedicating their new beautiful worship center and a couple of the church’s other new additions… Babies... including Savannah Grace! How blessed I felt to be there, with Jane, on such a special day! OK… under control… tears dabbed… nose blown… ready for worship.

As I passed the “old” worship center on my way to the new building, I noticed that a new sign had been placed over the doors. The old worship center had become the new fellowship hall. The sign read, “Reese Building”. Cue tears… roll emotion… use permanent lump in throat as indicator of the fully gone state of being. As history repeats itself, I realize that I will be a hopeless sap until adequate sleep has been achieved… “Ladies and Gentlemen… we have an announcement to make… Ashley has officially lost it! Again, at Park Springs…”

I walk into the new worship center, late, and Jane has sent a friend to let me know where they are seated. I say hello, Jane flashes a look of concern… I give her the old “I’m fine” look and smile with a nod.

I find myself very happy to be there again experiencing Park Spring’s beautiful Christ centered worship. I know that this is a long post… but I would like to include the words to a worship song that is special to me. I heard it for the first time (the Sunday after Bill’s memorial service) at Park Springs BC. We were able to sing it again this past Sunday.

My Savior My God

“I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned, I only know at his right hand, stands one who is my Savior, I take Him at His word and deed, Christ died to save me this I read, And in my heart I find a need, Of Him to be my Savior, My Savior loves, my Savior lives, My Savior’s always there for me, My God he was, My God He is, My God He’s always gonna be, Yes, living, dying, let me bring, My strength, my solace from this spring, That He who lives to be my King, Once died to be my Savior.”

Baby dedication time arrives. Jane and her family stand to go to the front of the church. As I move myself out of the way so they can pass, Jane lets me know that she wants me to walk to forward with her family. Before I can say no, I am on my way to the front of the congregation. I am so touched. I find myself standing behind Jane’s mom… in front of Bill and Jane’s home church… a part of their family and new beautiful daughter’s dedication to the Lord. I am reminded of why I am there and Bill’s absence becomes so painfully apparent. I am unable to stop my tears. We are reminded that Savannah’s name means “Beautiful Vista.” The pastor’s words are so appropriate and comforting. We take our seats.

We enjoyed a potluck lunch after services and I was able to spend more time with Jane. I told her about the rumored Rook spanking that took place the night before. Jane said that Bill was doing a happy dance in heaven. If that is the case, I will officially acknowledge the loss. Final official score was Team USA -60 and Team Rogaine +525. The rematch has been scheduled! After a sad and hurried Goodbye… I made my way home… again… missing my Texas family.

Leaving Reunion

2006-06-26T11:22:00.000-05:00

Alarm sounds… awareness… uh…where am I? Oh yeah… Dallas… Hyatt… It’s Sunday, My day to Pray for Jane… Park Springs... I have to get up! I sit up, dizzy… stand up… head rush… walk to bathroom, “owwie … owwie, owwie, owwie, owwie!” I pass a stray peanut M & M on the floor and trip on Diet Coke can which causes a terrifying fall into the wall. I land with a very loud thump (insert tasteful, yet well-placed expletive here)! As I finally make it to the bathroom the phone rings! I turn and limp back to the bed…owwie… owwie… owwie… answer phone… It’s Jane… “Good Morning, I’m up… on my way… see you soon!” The need to get back to the bathroom (quickly) hits me. I turn and go…owwie… owwie… owwie, kick can with contempt (feel better) owwie…owwie… and sit. Alarm sounds… again! “BREAK PLEASE!” My morning routine is accomplished with out further incident. Bag packed, evidence of embarrassing spanking received at Rook tournament (on previous evening) collected and destroyed! “Score sheet…what score sheet?” Personal items gathered and I leave my room headed for the elevator. I decide to take a risk and ride in the glass one. I walk in, drop my stuff and face out towards the atrium. I get myself as close to the glass as possible and put my hands up on either side of my face blocking out all peripheral vision. The elevator quickly glides down nine floors, Wow… there’s my tummy… bad choice! Stomach in throat… I carefully step out of torture device. My next thought… Coffee… Coffee… Coffee… As I walk, I find myself looking around for familiar faces… ahhh yes… I have finally arrived… my homeland… Starbucks… yessssss… civilization! I get in line and wait… still looking… I order a Grande Champion Hazelnut Late, skinny with a pink. I purchase the coffee and a postcard and wait… as I look around… I feel a strange tightness in my chest. Coffee received… first sip… face relaxed and warm… knees week… COFFEE RECEIVED! “Coffee… Jason… coffee… Jason… Coffee… Coffee… COFFEE! Wait… one more sip… life is getting better! I pull out my valet ticket and two bucks… gather up all my stuff…purse…paper…bag…COFFEE! I walk to the valet line… turn in my ticket… have a seat and wait. What a great weekend! Then I realize that the reunion has ended. This is the day to return home. I take another look around… hoping to see a familiar face… wanting one last hug… another laugh… a little more time with my Texas family. My chest tightens, my throat closes and then I break. Tears roll down my cheeks and my face is hot as I see my car drive around the corner. The car stops in front of me. I stand and reluctantly walk over to the valet… still looking around… My bags are placed inside the trunk and I get in the car… I buckle up… as my door is closed for me. “Have a nice day Mrs. Trahan.” I place the car in drive and slowly go… still looking behind in the rear view mirror as my heart breaks. As Kim Easley so eloquently wrote, “I long for my family.” I have arrived home, unharmed. It only took one nap (in the car at a rest area) three diet cokes (king size) and two of the most fabulous chocolate chip cookies ever eaten to get me home in one piece. My sadness was only relieved by the site of my girls. They give the best hugs! We talked about our weekend exchanged gifts and went to bed! Catie and Ellie were kind enough to sleep all night for their mommy! Until next time… wall removed, heart exposed, and loving it!

The Aliens Have Landed!

2006-06-20T11:12:00.000-05:00

The organism's to the left arrived in my garage sometime last week. In an attempt to understand how this could have possibly happened, I began to recover a blocked memory. There is a cat (we call Sally) who (under extreme duress) our family accepted the responsibility to feed. Sally does on occasion get herself into our household.

(BEGIN RECOLLECTION OF BLOCKED MEMORY)

One day as we were putting the kids in the car, Sally got into the house. When my husband picked the cat up to place her outside he said, "wow honey, her tummy feels big! I think we are going to have kittens!" "No", I said, "No way, she is too young... Besides, she just ate a ton, she is just full."

(END RECOLLECTION OF BLOCKED MEMORY... BEGIN EXPRESSION OF FULL ON RAGE FILLED REACTION)

Full of illegitimate babies! As I recall, we had a discussion with Sally when we finally agreed to allow her to move into our garage. (Sally came with a bit of a past, a "rep" if you will.) Sally agreed to be in the garage by 9pm every evening and not to involve herself in any "questionable" activities! "Don't do anything we wouldn't do!" She agreed to our terms and moved in. Now, since we agreed to our agreement, Sally has "run away" several times and not made herself available for an explanation of her "where-a-bouts." This is exactly what I said would happen! "Honey, if we allow that girl to live in our garage, she is going to come home pregnant! Who is going to be responsible for the babies? Not her! She is not old enough to be responsible for the babies! She will just dump them in a box in the garage and leave the responsibility up to us!"

(END SAID REACTION... BEGIN SAD YET HOPEFUL COMMENTARY)

And, that is exactly what happened! We are now the reluctant owners of FIVE kittens! I am currently working with a mediator in order to produce a financial and custody arrangement with the other "responsible" party or, Lord help us, parties. Only one of the new arrivals has a name. The orange baby, featured in the above photograph, is called Spitz. Anytime you take a look at the brood of babies, Spitz expresses his/her displeasure with the intrusion!

So, are you coming our way soon? Would you like to be the proud new owner of a CERTIFIED kitten? All kittens are free and come with their very own Certificate of Authenticity! FREE! Shipping and handling is not included. All rights reserved. Any similarities to fictional kittens are purely coincidental!

Vital Signs is coming soon to DVD

2006-06-20T10:27:00.000-05:00

My cousin, Roger Vass Jr., is an actor/ASL narrator in a short film called, "Vital Signs", which is now going to be released to DVD. Roger has reported over 800,000 hits on the Vital Signs Website, with over 100,000 requests for a copy of the film. I am so proud of Roger. If you have not yet viewed the film, the link is on this post and in the sidebar. Roger and two other individuals are working on another ASL film. Their hope is to continue this innovative art form moving to longer length projects in the future! Keep logging on to the Vital Signs website for updates and information.

PopCap Games - Zuma

2006-06-18T18:07:00.000-05:00

PopCap Games - Zuma

Is it possible for a person to be inspired by a video game? Is she entering the realms of madness if she finds herself integrating skills acquired by an arcade game into her life's strategy? Does she have to much time on her hands? Does she find the need to return to therapy? This person is being driven mad by the inability to surpass the extreme higher levels in the world of Zuma. This person's inability to inhabit the Zuma frog on an expert level is affecting her self esteem! She finds herself inadequate and unworthy of the challenge she has accepted. Shall she throw in the towel? NO! This person shall not cave! As she has learned from the Land of ZUMA... In every effort... Do not cease... She never knows what is next... She must hold tight to the knowledge that she will be given what is needed at the appropriate moment. She must remain focused! She must believe that she possesses the wisdom to choose the right path?

"Wait, I'll get in the state hospital ambulance as soon as I finish my thought! The ambulance will wait! Wait... Just one more...

"That 70's Company" (c1992)

2006-06-16T21:12:00.000-05:00

Be Groovy. Be Very Groovy.

In the series pilot, we are introduced to Eric, Hyde, Donna, Jackie, Fez, and Kelso, who all hang out in the Forman's basement and drink iced tea every once in a while. In this episode, Eric's parents give him the keys to the Company Van, and Eric and the gang sets off to go to a Regional Production of Jesus Christ Superstar against Red's orders not to take the car out of town.

Cast
Eric Forman: Jon Polk
Jackie Burkhart: Jessica Craft
Michael Kelso: John Tillman
Steven Hyde: Jason Tilly
Donna Pinciotti: Sharla Tilly
Fez: Glen Parmelee
Kitty Forman: Jane Reese
Reginald "Red" Forman: Bill Reese
Midge Pinciotti: Jenny Jones
Bob Pinciotti: Randy Gillis
Laurie Forman: Melissa Tillman
Randy Pearson: Ken Nobles
Leo: Marty Gordon
Hot Chick: Kim Hood Easley
(Kelso breaks up with Jackie to Marry Hot Chick)

Father's Day

2006-06-15T19:53:00.000-05:00

This picture of the Reese family(Bill, Jane, Forest, & Savannah Grace) was taken in Bill's hospital room shortly after he received his terminal cancer diagnosis. Friends and family arranged for the family portrait and even held up a black sheet for the background. What a beautiful family! Bill died approximately 30 days later on Memorial Day. He died at 6:15pm, 10 minutes after Jane and the rest of their family got him home and into his bed. Father's Day is this Sunday. Please remember to pray for Jane and her children. Forest William is 6 years old and he is fully aware of his father's absence. Pray that the Lord will bring Godly men into this child's life. Forest is a beautiful and gifted child. He is surrounded by a wonderful Godly mother and family. His pain is great! He misses Bill and does not yet have the ability to understand why his Daddy had to leave him and go home. So, remember to pray for the Reese family on Sunday! We know the Bill is at home with his Father and we will be with him again!! Bills tribute site has been down for a couple of days. Keep trying to log on. The site will be back up again soon.. Check back for prayer request updates and to view the Arlington Memorial Service.

Dream Girls?

2006-06-15T07:48:00.000-05:00

What have I become? I remember, back in my teen years, dreaming about becoming a mom. I would gaze at other people's children with a "I'm a sappy sucker" expression on my face. I was, and still am, in LOVE with my nieces and nephew. I would hold my sister's baby, Samantha, and think that I absolutely could not get close enough to her! My nephew, Jonathan was the cutest baby I had ever seen. (BTW, he doesn't seem to understand that his old fat aunt loves him desperately and wants to kiss his cheeks all the time! Jonathan is a 24 year old Marine!) Then there were the kids I sort of adopted. Kelcy P. may not realize this now, but back in the early 90s she was MINE!! I just saw her, for the first time in 10 years, and I had to resist scooping her up and putting her on my shoulders. She sort of stood 3 feet away from me with a "do I need to run?" expression on her face. My little baby, Kelcy P! She is all grown up and too big to let me buy her ice cream! I remember going to visit my grandparents right after I started college. There was a lady there who was my Nanny when I was a small child. I sort of remembered her voice and the way she smelled (funny, the things that stick in your memory!) She was overcome! I thought she was going to pass out. She was crying and said, "oh, my baby..." over and over again. Finally out of pity, I allowed her to hug me and stroke my hair as she talked about the afternoons we spent together in 1969! Anyway... (long story short...too late Melissa?) Back to what I've become... I remember saying to the father of a little girl I adopted in my early thirties, Sydney , "how do you say no to her... I just can't say no to her... she is so cute!" His reply... "Easy, NO!" I have turned into the parent who just can't seem to recognize the absolute cuteness of her children! Someone will say, "Oh Ashley, she is so sweet... "Cher baby!" (dear baby) (pronounced "shah baby" or "sheh baby") My response, "give her time!" or "you want her?" and the ever popular "don't let her fool you!" What is my problem!? I have been given two of the cutest babies on the face of this earth and I have turned into one of those jaded mommies! I am sure there is a spiritual truth here some where! I guess I am a MOM! Not a part-time mommy from a distance. I would be adorable and agreeable too if the person I was with didn't expect anything from me and bought me whatever I wanted while riding on their shoulders! (scary image.. sorry visualizers!) Point... I am a reality Mom... Not a dream MOM! I have reality girls with a dream girl exterior. So, need a kid to spoil? You know who to call! In reality land, my baby just pooped and my Big girl needs a kiss on her bo bo!

I like this one better I think... (In with the new)

2006-06-14T16:53:00.000-05:00

"Oh, hello... it's so nice to see you again. Here take my seat. Would you like some tea?"

Out with the old...

2006-06-14T16:49:00.000-05:00

"Yes, I'm OK... My face just gets red. Hey bartender...How about one more for the road!"

My Family

2006-06-13T22:32:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to post this picture of my family. This photo was taken in November. I look at it and think, "oh my gosh, I'm the Mom! When did this happen?" Anyway, we have all grown like weeds! The kids are getting taller and Mommy and Daddy are just spreading!

LOOK UP!!

2006-06-13T09:27:00.000-05:00

I keep having this recurring thought. I will try and explain it to the best of my ability. I see myself falling. I mean, I am literally falling through life. This image of myself and others falling is in my head. It seems to me that everyone falls through life at the same risk. Then, I hear a voice... The voice says urgently, "Look up... here... take this... grab on... hold on... let me catch you... I can save you!" I look up and grab the rope. Everyone seems to hear the same voice but some don't take the help. I grab the rope and hang on. Hanging on is not easy. Next, I know that I need to climb up. So, I begin to climb. Each hand over hand is difficult and takes much concentration. There is a haunting image that remains in my thoughts. I can see the people who do not take hold continue to fall around me. The looks on their faces are wide eyed and confused. Why don't they take the rope and grab on? I yell, "Hang on! Grab the rope! Look up! There is help! LOOK UP!!" They don't listen and they just continue to fall. I feel a deep sadness. Why me, why do I get the help and not the others? I made the choice to look up! I choose to take my eyes off of the circumstances around me and look up. What happens to the others? I guess they continue to fall through life until life ends. What happens to those who look up and take the help? We climb up until we are pulled all the way up. We are taken to safety where we can rest. Life is work. Stuff happens as we continue to fall. I can't imagine going through life, the loss of a loved one or some other incredible sadness, without the ability to look up, hang on, and climb out! So, I will continue to climb up and look forward to what's next without fear. Even in incredible sadness and confusion there is hope! I don't want to waste my time sweating the small stuff and allowing people to fall past me. I just want to tell those that I see to look up and grab on! Once they take hold...They are saved! They can choose to stay where they are or climb up. I just want them to take hold...LOOK UP!!! I am sure there are theological holes all over this thought. It is just a thought. I wanted to record it.

We are all a little different here.

2006-06-10T08:23:00.000-05:00

The following (in green) are John Tillman's thoughts on what my friends and I have been going through. I wanted to duplicate his words here because I think his thoughts about all of our friends are beautiful. My friends from Seminary days have no problem with the terms Art Nerd or Drama Nerd. Geek is also a familiar name we throw around from time to time. Wesley Brainard , a professional mime evangelist, lectured on communication at our last Drama Festival. (Funny, a mime lecturing on the topic of communication!) I paraphrase his main point.

"As artists, we see things differently. We are made in a way that makes us a bit more sensitive to the world. We are different. Sometimes we close ourselves off because we are uncomfortable with who we are. Don't wall yourself up friends. God made you in this way so that you have the gift of unique communication. You are designed to be more sensitive. It is part of your purpose to see the world more deeply, to feel stronger, to be more sensitive. So, welcome to a place where you are with people of your kind. It is OK to be different here. We are all a little different here."

For the first time, I feel better about one of my unique qualities. I have said in the recent past that I wished there was a pill a person could take to stop tears. I find that tears and laughter come for me at the most inappropriate times. Well, I am just made that way. Thank you John for helping me to see that the sensitive side of me is a gift. What a wonderful compliment. I have been called many things in my life and Heart is by far my favorite.

John Tillman writes, "Doing the scripture reading was a reminder to me of how close to each other we really got during our time in The Company. Those who read had not seen the script or been together to rehearse or to know when or at what microphones to stand. But I knew going in that all of you would just follow along and do the right thing. After waiting on stage for our intro you all quickly read each other's minds and got situated around the microphones. I got a look from Jason Tilley that said, "We're ready, man. Go anytime." So I did and you were ready. Just like I knew you would be. That kind of readiness is not common in the world. And that kind of readiness is what Jane, Forest, and Savannah Grace will need from us. Not flashy. Not showy. But trustworthy, steadfast, thoughtful readiness. Ready to read the need and help in any situation. As Ashley told Jane this weekend, "How many people do you know who have thirty brothers and sisters?' Not many. Ashley was referring to only those who were directly in contact with Jane this past weekend. You may have just found out. You may have not called or emailed because you don't know what to say. But those of us in The Company past and present share a bond like no other. We were and are a body of Christ just like any church is a body of Christ. And that type of bond is long-lived and reaches across miles as easy as it reaches across the aisle of the van on a long drive.
All of those who were here were here by God's grace and served his purpose. The pictures that Curry Evans took are amazing. Curry, that was a selfless act that you performed with quiet grace, love, and professional attention to detail. Jon Polk, you were our Papa, living up to your name by caring and herding and guiding us even when at times we staggered in grief. Ashley Trahan, you were our heart, bleeding out tears and laughter with all the terror, pain, and joy of each moment. Melissa, you were our memory, a talent I know you do not desire, but we were blessed and heartened and surprised to laughter and tears when you reminded us of where and who and when as we retold stories of times with Bill. Randy Gillis, you faultlessly led us in worship, and sang for us when our throats closed with sobs. Kim Easley, your poise and thoughtfulness reminded us why you are always our gracious princess. Michael Winters, you quietly loved and comforted everyone you touched. Jim Campbell, your strength reminded me of Bill, and that is high praise. Jason and Sharla Tilley, you were a huge help and made possible the wonderful poster-sized prints of Bill at the Gathering. Brian and Glenda Cropp, the quiet grace of God flowed through you to calm and comfort. Jenny Jones, God brought you to us just when we needed you. And Dennis, who brought us all together in the first place, and Leighanne who can always make us laugh. Others whose presence indicated the breadth of God's sorrow and love were: Glenn Parmalee, Beverly Cheevers, Gilbert Nash and probably others who I can't now recall. If we haven't said it enough let me say it again: Jane is our sister and she needs our support."

Eyes Opened

2006-06-08T18:45:00.000-05:00

I have spent the majority of my time the last few days processing all of the events of the last month. It seems that I am different and that I have changed. The events that caused this life change all started with an email, then a phone call and then just plain devastation. I read in Oswald today (notice a recurring theme? Oswald Rocks!)

"If you yourself do not cut the lines that tie you to the dock, God will have to use a storm to sever them and to send you out to sea. Put everything in your life afloat upon God, going out to sea on the great swelling tide of His purpose, and your eyes will be opened. If you believe in Jesus, you are not to spend all your time in the calm waters just inside the harbor, full of joy, but always tied to the dock. You have to get out past the harbor into the great depths of God, and begin to know things for yourself and begin to have spiritual discernment."

This is exactly where I am. I feel as if the lines that tether me to my happy little comfortable life have been cut and I am afloat! The waves swell and I rise up and then, sometimes very quickly, I am dropped down even lower than before. In this new environment, my eyes have been widely opened. I am looking around and seeing things so much differently. I find myself re-evaluating my call to ministry and my effectiveness where I am.

I was so inspired and challenged by the story of Bill's life. I had a tendency to think that he was only wonderful to me. I have found that what I believed is just not true! Bill was solid all his life and in every aspect. He was in so many places affecting many people, all kinds of people. I have a bad habit of thinking only in absolutes. God just doesn't work in a person's life like that. I have found that I have put to many limitations on my call to ministry. Ashley, a creative evangelist who has limited her call by being inflexible.

I have learned over and over again the following: Any time you say, "I won't do this or that" this or that is exactly what you have been gifted and called to do. For example, I have in the past said... "I will never move to Louisiana, I will never marry a man who farts, I will never sing, I will never forgive. I will never be a school teacher."

All of this change, this ride, is stressful but exhilarating. In an attempt to handle all of these highs and lows, I have reached out to old friends and begun to express myself openly. What a JOY! I was on the phone today with Kim Hood Easley for over TWO HOURS! (BTW, are you in?) Our friendship has survived like we had never been apart! Kim and Ash rooming together and completely happy talking each others ears off!

I find that I am still in love with all of those Company boys! Jon, John, Curry, Michael, Randy, Jim, Marty, and Bill of course! I miss my boys! I have to say that the years have been kind to you all! We are a fine lookin bunch! We just weigh a little more and the boys have less hair while the girls have a little more. I all so noticed that we are dependent on eyeglasses and medications! (With the exception of John & Melissa Tillman, Polk, and Ginny Boyd Jones! They look even better! SINNERS!!) Good thing we didn't realize how hot we were then, we would have gotten ourselves in a whole different kind of trouble! We had such fun!

My prayer now is for God to remind me to keep my eyes open. I want to be where God wants me, where I can be the most effective. If that means little on no pay or several part-time jobs... O.K. I need to drop my idea of a "career" and accept what God has for me!

Again, Love you guys!

Prayer Support

2006-06-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

This is a photo card that I created at Shutterfly. My first day to Pray for the Reese family is on the 25th of this month, a Sunday. I am going to pass out the photo cards and ask mySunday School class to remember to pray for the Reese family. It is difficult to continue to pray according to God's will. We all asked God collectively to heal our brother. God chose to take our brother home. Is it then useless to pray? Do our prayers make a difference? The only small bit of sense I have been able to make of this question was found in reading Oswald Chambers. He writes...

My Utmost For His Highest - Vital Intercession: "As we continue on in our intercession for others, we may find that our obedience to God in interceding is going to cost those for whom we intercede more than we ever thought. The danger in this is that we begin to intercede in sympathy with those whom God was gradually lifting up to a totally different level in direct answer to our prayers. Whenever we step back from our close identification with God's interest and concern for others and step into having emotional sympathy with them, the vital connection with God is gone. We have then put our sympathy and concern for them in the way, and this is a deliberate rebuke to God. It is impossible for us to have living and vital intercession unless we are perfectly and completely sure of God. And the greatest destroyer of that confident relationship to God, so necessary for intercession, is our own personal sympathy and preconceived bias. Identification with God is the key to intercession, and whenever we stop being identified with Him it is because of our sympathy with others, not because of sin. It is not likely that sin will interfere with our intercessory relationship with God, but sympathy will. It is sympathy with ourselves or with others that makes us say, 'I will not allow that thing to happen.' And instantly we are out of that vital connection with God. "

My aim is not to upset anyone, but to encourage. It is so hard to reconcile what we want with what occurs. I heard so many people say this past weekend that they believed in their heart, deeply, that God was going to heal Bill on this side of heaven. The danger in this is that we risk becoming angry or we begin to flirt with the idea that our prayers don't work and will not be heard. It is also dangerous to think that we did not pray enough or do enough. As Bill's pastor said on Sunday morning,

"God simply chose to take our brother home. Bill's death is not the result of something we did or didn't do, God just chose to take Bill home."

It is impossible for us to understand the will of God or to know what is best for ourselves & others. So, let us continue to pray for the Reese family. God will hear our prayers. Jane will feel our prayers.

Important Sites

2006-06-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

The following link is the Tribute Page for Bill Reese. Bookmark this page in your browser and remember to check it from time to time. My day to pray for Jane and her family is on the 25th of each month. Of course you are invited to pray for Jane everyday. Check the website for specific requests and updates. Bill Reese Tribute Site

The Company Gathering: The Shutterfly password is (takealook). I am impressed by the ability of Curry Evans to record the joy and sadness of the Company Gathering and surrounding weekend events. Although we are sad at the loss of our friend, it is importanat to see, we also rejoice in the knowledge that we will be with our brother again.

John Polk's Uploaded images are at York Photo Labs. Create your own personal account. York provides the ability to view a slide show and you can see all of the images on one page.

Personal Tribute to Bill

2006-06-07T10:45:00.000-05:00

The following is a copy of the words that Kim Hood Easily and I had the honor of speaking at Bill's Arlington Memorial Service.

Ash: The way we know we've been transferred from death to life is that we love our brothers and sisters. Anyone who doesn't love is as good as dead.

Kim: This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves.

Ash: If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.

Kim: My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality.

Ash: I John 3 (The Message)

(The next paragraph is from a letter Ashley wrote to Bill while he was in the Hospital)

Ash: "I have been thinking of you constantly! Bill, you are my big brother! I was not able to say it ten years ago, Thank you for loving me enough to look out for me. You were always there to guide me in the midst of my sinful foolishness. I maynot have appreciated it at the time, but looking back, it is now one of the reasons I love you so much, my goofy, creative, loving, godly and protective Big Brother. You are one of the first men in my life to love me in a Godly way."

(What Ashley wanted people to know about Bill)

Ash: "Bill loved without fear. He was my Big Brother in every since of the expression. I was the little sister in Christ. This is the best way I can describe our relationship. Imagine the big brother who spends all his free time with his little sister whom he adores, and she adores him. They play joke, laugh and she feels secure with him, safe loved protected. That is how Bill made me feel. And not just me, all of us. He was the single girls big brother. He gave us a much-needed safe and protective love. He was so much fun. The first time I got to see Bill in ten years was a few weeks ago at the hospital. I was not able to go into his room right away because I was too emotional. He sent word down the hall, "tell Ashley, I like her Butch Haircut" a reference to an inside joke. I laughed, got myself under control emotionally and went into his room. He held out his arms, hugged me and said, "I love you Ash" He was my Big brother and I will miss him intensely."

(from a letter Kim wrote to Bill & Jane)

Kim: "My heart has grown restless for the unconditional love that traveled with us on all of those journeys. Growing up, I would hear my father and other minister's say, my brothers and sisters in Christ. It seemed formal and distant to me then, an antiquated greeting, an empty sentiment. Now I understand. My brothers, my sisters- I long for my family. Bill, my brother, I thank you for the times you listened to my uncertain ramblings and more than a few rantings. Thank you for the philosophical musings, poetry readings, and literary criticisms. Thank you for evenings at Starbucks and Company encouragement sessions (and I do mean the entire Company). Thank you for being a true brother to all of the Company women- me Ashley, Melissa, Jenny, and so many more. Etched in my memory above all else is the time you and Jane carried me to my room at Ridgecrest. I had broken down, completely collapsed; the stress of my friend's suicide came crashing around me. You literally picked me up like a child while Jane held my hand. Minutes turned into an hour as the two of you placed healing hands on my brow and prayed. You prayed for God's mercy to bring healing to my broken heart. I believe in the power of prayer, the power of healing, and the power of Godly touch. "

John 3:16

Ash: For god so
Kim: Greatly
Ash: Loved the world that he gave his only
Kim: Unique
Ash: Begotten son, that whosoever
Kim: believes in
Ash: Trusts in
Kim: Clings to
Ash: relies on
Both: HIM
Ash: Should not perish, but have eternal,
Kim: Everlasting
Both: Life
Kim: for God so greatly loved... You
Ash: Me
Kim: Bill, Jane, Forrest and Savanna Grace
Both: All of us

(What we wanted people to know about Bill)

Ash: If you are angry because Bill is gone, don't be. Bill would not want you to be angry on his behalf. He would want you to cling to Jesus, tap into the only source of comfort in a time like this. He would want you to know his friend, his comforter, and His savior, Jesus.

Brothers and Sisters

2006-06-07T10:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I think I am finally rested enough to share the experience of this past weekend. As I drove home to Louisiana, I had the thought that I would never be able to express everything that I experienced. How would I ever be able to communicate to my friends and family the full and deep feelings of love, joy, and sadness? I think only the people who experienced those relationships can understand the level of love that we feel for each other and the tremendous sadness we feel at loosing our brother. Sometimes, I feel as if you all in the Company are the only ones who are able to understand the level of mourning we are experiencing. Someone might say, “Why are you so sad, this is just a friend, someone you haven’t seen in a decade!” Just a friend, no way, we are truly brothers and sisters. I have lost my brother. In addition, in that loss, my personal sadness is deepened because of my past inability to give and receive love. I missed 10 years with my beautiful brother Bill. By the time I realized how much you all meant to me, how much I wanted to see all of you and express my love for our family, Bill was slipping away and then gone, so quickly.

We as a family have committed to pray for Jane, Forest, and Savannah Grace for a year. Choose a day that is important to you, one that you can remember and commit to pray on that day, every month, for a year. Check with Papa Jon, he has the list of available days. On your day, pray for Jane, Send her an email, call, or send a card and let her know that you prayed for her that day. Jon will stay in close contact with Jane and list specific prayer requests on the website. Jane will have one of her many Brothers and Sisters praying for her everyday for a year. Please make this commitment and honor it! Prayer is so important. I cannot imagine the pain the Jane is walking through. Prayer is a form of real support that we can offer her no matter where we are.

Bill went home on Memorial Day. After our year of prayer and support for the Reese family, we have agreed to come together again. So, mark out your calendars friends. We will have a Company reunion in 2007. Our Class President, Jon Polk, will keep you informed of the developments. Please make every effort to attend in 07. We had such a wonderful time together! Looking forward to seeing all of you who were not able to attend this past weekend.

When pictures, video, and slide show are available, I strongly suggest you take some time, sit down and take in the experience. Bill was not only a great friend, brother, Man of God when we knew him. Bill’s life was one of a consistent devotion and walk with the Lord. I was impressed by the number of people who wanted to come out and say goodbye to Bill. Jane did a wonderful job of expressing Bill’s life. Jane called the memorial service “The Performance of a Lifetime.” So appropriate.

With the sadness of saying good-bye to Bill, we also were able to experience joy! Praise God! We had such a wonderful time telling stories, remembering what idiots some us were and reminding each other of our mutual feelings of love.

So, let us keep in touch. Keep logging on the website. Love without fear! We are a family. Let us not allow these wonderful relationships to slip away again. Love you guys! Ash